I love my church.
I've been going to ImagineNations Church in Penrith since I was 6 months old. The church is like my second family and I love them all dearly.
Our pastor is always putting others first and his dream is to go into all the world and tell people about God's love and show them His love. So at the beginning of 2008 he told us about his dream to plant 10 ImagineNations churches all over the world.
We plant hundreds of churches every year, but these 10 churches would be unique, because they would be run by people from our own church- not international pastors we've never met before.
We found out that the first church would be planted in Darwin and would be sending Troy and Nicole Davis to run the church. Ollie and Laura Mau would also be going for 12 months to help them start it up.
I am not a very "decisive" person. I change my mind about one simple thing at least a hundred times before I confirm my decision. Imagine what I'm going to be like when I have pick names for my children!
Some important decisions were coming up soon for me- would I go to university? Would I take a break? What courses would I pick for university? What did I want to do in life?
I was overwhelmed and completely confused. I hated all these questions- I wanted to escape somewhere quiet, away from exams, careers and life, and never come back. Sometimes I even wished I had lived 300 years earlier when girls had no choice in life and just got married, had babies and lived a simple life! That kind of lifestyle was EXTREMELY appealing at the time.
My mum and dad knew how these kinds of questions were getting to me. They, after all, had to put up with my mood swings and sullenness. So my mum suggested something completely out of the blue. Something I had never thought of before. Something which would change my life forever.
What if I went to Darwin for a year?
I was a mixture of emotions. I was happy, because it seemed like a perfect alternative to all my questions, and would give me an extra year to figure myself out. I was terrified of leaving everything and everyone I knew and moving to a hot, humid and remote place. I was scared because I would have to tell Lachlan.
What if he thought I was ungrateful? Cruel? Uncommitted? What if he saw no point in continuing our relationship? But in my mind I saw this as the perfect solution to my mental conundrum, and rejecting this idea would mean I would have to face those horrible questions all over again- and I didn't think I could handle them anymore.
So I told Lachlan. I told him my plans and waited, holding my breath and pinching the palms of my hands over and over- a habit I ALWAYS do when I'm nervous, or when I am confessing something I've done wrong.
He wasn't mad. He wasn't disappointed. He was sad. But he said he would support me if I truly thought this was the best decision.
My stomach sank so low. I think I would've preferred him angry! How could I be given such a perfect man?
291 days later, and he would still be the perfect man, saying goodbye to me as I went to board the plane...but it was going to be a bit of a bumpy, emtoional rollercoaster trip from now until then...
For now I would just cry and accept my decision. My life-changing decision.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Kings Cross, Boats and Empty Tanks
Daphne, Lachlan's mum was having a 50th birthday party. It was going to be fun affair as we crusied around on a boat through Sydney Harbour. I was actually quite excited!
This was going to be a very eventful evening!
The boat would be leaving the docks at 5:30pm and we had to be there by 5pm at least. Lachlan and his Volvo would not mix well with city driving, and so we opted to borrow Regan's Mercedes. Seemed to be the better option.
The first half of the journey went well with no dramas at all (sound familiar?) It wasn't until we hit the Lane Cove tunnel that things began to get a little more "interesting". I had a print out of the directions and was trying my best to remain calm and give the best directions to Lachlan as possible. Plus we had an in-built GPS system which we could revert back to if things got bad.
Lachlan hates the city when he has to drive and navigate his way through. So do I. We normally take the train, but it was going to be too late a night to catch a train back home.
For a moment I got confused and directed him down a main road, thinking Darling Harbour was in that general direction. How very very wrong I was!
We looked around us and saw that we were in the completely opposite end at Kings Cross! I was apologising profusely for messing it all up, trying to calm his anxiety. It wasn't working as well as I had hoped. Finally, we rang his dad, who was completely bewildered that we had managed such a mix-up! Plus he wasn't super impressed, as we discovered our tank of petrol was literally on empty. We had to find a parking space somewhere to avoid getting completely stuck altogether.
We managed to discover a random secure parking lot and made our way onto the main road. We were running late by this stage and the stress was building. Spotting a taxi we hailed it down and made our way down to the Harbour.
Luckily the rest of the party had not really arrived yet and we could relax for a little while before the boat was ready for us all to come aboard. Once that happened we spent a rather pleasant evening floating away on the still water.
I met various characters on this boat, all of whom I hardly remember now. Some were friendly, some were interesting and some, well, were just a little bit odd. But everyone we met just added to the colour, fun and variety of the night.
I do distinctly remember one particular character: her name was Leslie and she was certainly a colourful character. I know that Wes tried his hardest to avoid her the whole night. She took a special liking to one of Lachlan's cousins, and she did her best to convince us that we would make great parents. Even poor Granny had to endure an agonising conversation with the woman.
Whenever we think back to that evening, Leslie always comes up and we always have a good laugh. How can a party be truly authentic unless we have "Leslie" type characters?
The night came to a close, but ours was still far from over. Once we alighted back onto dry land we had to find a taxi and somehow remember where we had parked our car. Luckily though, Sam and Peta, Lachlan's brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law offered us their car to drop us off. Once we found the car we paid our parking ticket, which was a small fortune, and then hailed a taxi. The car was completely empty.
The taxi took us to the nearest petrol station and we bought a jerry can so that we could travel far enough to find another station. After paying the taxi driver, which was another fortune, we filled up the car and drove off.
However, we had to find a petrol station quickly before we became stuck again, and we had no idea where we were! We drove up and down random streets until finally, by God's grace, we saw a sign pointing towards the beloved Western Suburbs and we headed onto the familiar Parramatta Road.
Finding a station we filled up and eventually made it home. It was a crazy, fun-filled, adventurous evening which I will always remember!
But May was only beginning and it would be a much more crazy month than I could ever imagine!
This was going to be a very eventful evening!
The boat would be leaving the docks at 5:30pm and we had to be there by 5pm at least. Lachlan and his Volvo would not mix well with city driving, and so we opted to borrow Regan's Mercedes. Seemed to be the better option.
The first half of the journey went well with no dramas at all (sound familiar?) It wasn't until we hit the Lane Cove tunnel that things began to get a little more "interesting". I had a print out of the directions and was trying my best to remain calm and give the best directions to Lachlan as possible. Plus we had an in-built GPS system which we could revert back to if things got bad.
Lachlan hates the city when he has to drive and navigate his way through. So do I. We normally take the train, but it was going to be too late a night to catch a train back home.
For a moment I got confused and directed him down a main road, thinking Darling Harbour was in that general direction. How very very wrong I was!
We looked around us and saw that we were in the completely opposite end at Kings Cross! I was apologising profusely for messing it all up, trying to calm his anxiety. It wasn't working as well as I had hoped. Finally, we rang his dad, who was completely bewildered that we had managed such a mix-up! Plus he wasn't super impressed, as we discovered our tank of petrol was literally on empty. We had to find a parking space somewhere to avoid getting completely stuck altogether.
We managed to discover a random secure parking lot and made our way onto the main road. We were running late by this stage and the stress was building. Spotting a taxi we hailed it down and made our way down to the Harbour.
Luckily the rest of the party had not really arrived yet and we could relax for a little while before the boat was ready for us all to come aboard. Once that happened we spent a rather pleasant evening floating away on the still water.
I met various characters on this boat, all of whom I hardly remember now. Some were friendly, some were interesting and some, well, were just a little bit odd. But everyone we met just added to the colour, fun and variety of the night.
I do distinctly remember one particular character: her name was Leslie and she was certainly a colourful character. I know that Wes tried his hardest to avoid her the whole night. She took a special liking to one of Lachlan's cousins, and she did her best to convince us that we would make great parents. Even poor Granny had to endure an agonising conversation with the woman.
Whenever we think back to that evening, Leslie always comes up and we always have a good laugh. How can a party be truly authentic unless we have "Leslie" type characters?
The night came to a close, but ours was still far from over. Once we alighted back onto dry land we had to find a taxi and somehow remember where we had parked our car. Luckily though, Sam and Peta, Lachlan's brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law offered us their car to drop us off. Once we found the car we paid our parking ticket, which was a small fortune, and then hailed a taxi. The car was completely empty.
The taxi took us to the nearest petrol station and we bought a jerry can so that we could travel far enough to find another station. After paying the taxi driver, which was another fortune, we filled up the car and drove off.
However, we had to find a petrol station quickly before we became stuck again, and we had no idea where we were! We drove up and down random streets until finally, by God's grace, we saw a sign pointing towards the beloved Western Suburbs and we headed onto the familiar Parramatta Road.
Finding a station we filled up and eventually made it home. It was a crazy, fun-filled, adventurous evening which I will always remember!
But May was only beginning and it would be a much more crazy month than I could ever imagine!
The first couple of months
Our relationship had smooth beginnings. I went back to school to begin my final year, and Lachlan went to work to finish his 4 year TAFE course and become a fully qualified mechanical engineer.
I love telling people what his occupation is. They all look very impressed with my "catch", but really I was lucky to have been so amazingly blessed.
In March not much happened. I was trying to not get stressed about my half-yearly exams and I especially didn't want Lachlan to have a crazy girlfriend on his hands when it came to schoolwork. We went to a dinner at a friend's house one Sunday night, playing the Wii and spending a lot of the time whispering to one another on the couch. We were still taking advantage of our new "status" and so people were still quite alright for us to be anti-social.
But that would not last for much longer and we knew that we had to assure people that we weren't going to neglect our friendships with them simply because we had entered into a relationship. In fact I am always quite proud of the way we continued to value other people and not just spend every waking second with each other.
April rolled around and I went on a 3 day "missions" trip to Mudgee to do a kids program. It was a lot of fun and absolutely FREEZING! I miss Lachlan terribly the whole time, and I found my phone bill hurting by the end of the three days. We also received some bad news- Granny was sick. Her cancer in the throat had returned. I felt utterly helpless! I was so far away and I couldn't be there while Lachlan dealt with this terrible news. It made me realise how important family really was.
I sat my exams and passed. The relief was indescribable as they were quite difficult exams. Easter came and went. Holidays were treasured. The start of 2009 was going quite well in my mind.
May came along. Little did I know it, but this was going to be life changing month.
I love telling people what his occupation is. They all look very impressed with my "catch", but really I was lucky to have been so amazingly blessed.
In March not much happened. I was trying to not get stressed about my half-yearly exams and I especially didn't want Lachlan to have a crazy girlfriend on his hands when it came to schoolwork. We went to a dinner at a friend's house one Sunday night, playing the Wii and spending a lot of the time whispering to one another on the couch. We were still taking advantage of our new "status" and so people were still quite alright for us to be anti-social.
But that would not last for much longer and we knew that we had to assure people that we weren't going to neglect our friendships with them simply because we had entered into a relationship. In fact I am always quite proud of the way we continued to value other people and not just spend every waking second with each other.
April rolled around and I went on a 3 day "missions" trip to Mudgee to do a kids program. It was a lot of fun and absolutely FREEZING! I miss Lachlan terribly the whole time, and I found my phone bill hurting by the end of the three days. We also received some bad news- Granny was sick. Her cancer in the throat had returned. I felt utterly helpless! I was so far away and I couldn't be there while Lachlan dealt with this terrible news. It made me realise how important family really was.
I sat my exams and passed. The relief was indescribable as they were quite difficult exams. Easter came and went. Holidays were treasured. The start of 2009 was going quite well in my mind.
May came along. Little did I know it, but this was going to be life changing month.
Valentine's Day and Cricket
I was finally someone's girlfriend! I was Lachlan's girlfriend! For the next week I was on Cloud Nine and no one could take me down. I was the happiest girl alive.
I look back and think about that moment when he asked me. I was completely surprised, but overjoyed! I said yes straight away and we enjoyed the best first evening as girlfriend and boyfriend.
Sounds corny, I know, but I'll never forget it. It was a magical night. It was OUR night.
One week later was Valentine's Day and I nearly forgot about it. I had never been anyone's Valentine, and had never really payed attention to the day at all. But Lachlan insisted that we do something special. We decided to go out that night for dinner- I can't remember where we went in the end. But he bought me flowers and gave me the most beautiful gold sapphire earrings. I wear them 90% of days now.
Although it seems awfully terrible of me to not remember many details of our first Valentine's Day together, I can justify myself. Lachlan is always romantic. He always thinks of the most thoughtful, caring and generous things for me. He constantly surprises me and spoils me. After two years I have been lavished upon way more than I deserve.
Everyday with Lachlan is Valentine's Day.
The next day was the day we were all going to the cricket. "We" being Justin, my sister Emily, Lachlan and I. I was so excited. Lachlan, the dear boy, tried at least.
We found a good parking spot and had pretty good seats. I am an avid cricket enthusiast. In fact, cricket season is soon and I simply CANNOT wait for long summer days of watching endless amounts of the brilliant game. Lachlan, as I've said before, does not like cricket, but at least he tries for me.
The game was fantastic! We won by two runs and by the end of the game even Lachlan was standing up and cheering the Aussies into our victory! I was so proud!
As we left the grounds we heard the low, foreboding rumble of thunder and pressed on quickly, in hopes of reaching the car before the rain reached us. Unfortunately we were not successful.
We were in possesion of no umbrellas and we weren't exactly wearing ideal clothes for wet weather. But Lachlan handed me his wonderful leather jacket and I was spared the majority of the downpour.
I loved our adventures together. I loved how he always thought of me first. I prayed I would never take that for granted or forget. Unfortunately, I am not perfect and so not deserving of his (still!) constant love for me. But I know that remembering these times will remind me how good I really have it. I hope he truly knows that. I hope that i can spend the rest of my life telling him that!
I look back and think about that moment when he asked me. I was completely surprised, but overjoyed! I said yes straight away and we enjoyed the best first evening as girlfriend and boyfriend.
Sounds corny, I know, but I'll never forget it. It was a magical night. It was OUR night.
One week later was Valentine's Day and I nearly forgot about it. I had never been anyone's Valentine, and had never really payed attention to the day at all. But Lachlan insisted that we do something special. We decided to go out that night for dinner- I can't remember where we went in the end. But he bought me flowers and gave me the most beautiful gold sapphire earrings. I wear them 90% of days now.
Although it seems awfully terrible of me to not remember many details of our first Valentine's Day together, I can justify myself. Lachlan is always romantic. He always thinks of the most thoughtful, caring and generous things for me. He constantly surprises me and spoils me. After two years I have been lavished upon way more than I deserve.
Everyday with Lachlan is Valentine's Day.
The next day was the day we were all going to the cricket. "We" being Justin, my sister Emily, Lachlan and I. I was so excited. Lachlan, the dear boy, tried at least.
We found a good parking spot and had pretty good seats. I am an avid cricket enthusiast. In fact, cricket season is soon and I simply CANNOT wait for long summer days of watching endless amounts of the brilliant game. Lachlan, as I've said before, does not like cricket, but at least he tries for me.
The game was fantastic! We won by two runs and by the end of the game even Lachlan was standing up and cheering the Aussies into our victory! I was so proud!
As we left the grounds we heard the low, foreboding rumble of thunder and pressed on quickly, in hopes of reaching the car before the rain reached us. Unfortunately we were not successful.
We were in possesion of no umbrellas and we weren't exactly wearing ideal clothes for wet weather. But Lachlan handed me his wonderful leather jacket and I was spared the majority of the downpour.
I loved our adventures together. I loved how he always thought of me first. I prayed I would never take that for granted or forget. Unfortunately, I am not perfect and so not deserving of his (still!) constant love for me. But I know that remembering these times will remind me how good I really have it. I hope he truly knows that. I hope that i can spend the rest of my life telling him that!
Sunsets and the Opera House
We decided to do it.
We couldn't care anymore. This was getting too ridiculous. We were going to make it official. There was no more questions about it. My mum had relented and finally said yes. Now I just waited for him to "ask".
But before that could happen I had to solve a huge dilemma. Lachlan's birthday was just around the corner in the beginning of Feburary and I had no clue as to what to get him! His best friend, Justin, was my saviour in this instance.
We both thought buying Lachlan a ticket to the 20twenty cricket match where Australia versed India would be perfect.
Lachlan hated cricket.
We did not care.
Nana had bought him a really cool present as well. It was tickets to see Taikoz, a Japanese drumming group, who would be performing at the Opera House on the 7th February, a day before his actual birthday.
I wore a shiny blue party dress, and deeply regretted my choice, as I soon found myself battling with intense winds the whole time.
We ate some delicious food at a fancy resturant a stone's throw away from the Opera House, and were having a great time together. After eating we decided to make our way over to the Opera House and wait until the performance began.
While Nana went to the bathroom, Lachlan grabbed my hand and said, "Come with me! I want to show you something!"
Smiling I ran along with him, and began climbing the steps of the Opera House. We reached a landing and looked out onto the harbour. The sun was setting, and everything was beautiful. I took in a deep breath of the salty sea air and relaxed on the railing.
Lachlan began talking about something, but to be honest I wasn't really paying attention. I wanted to just savour this moment in front of me.
"...so, I didn't want to wait until my birthday..." I could hear him babbling on. I continued my ignorance...
"...well, I was thinking, why not? Christina?"
I turned and said, "Yes?" a little irritated that he had broken my moment of serenity.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
We couldn't care anymore. This was getting too ridiculous. We were going to make it official. There was no more questions about it. My mum had relented and finally said yes. Now I just waited for him to "ask".
But before that could happen I had to solve a huge dilemma. Lachlan's birthday was just around the corner in the beginning of Feburary and I had no clue as to what to get him! His best friend, Justin, was my saviour in this instance.
We both thought buying Lachlan a ticket to the 20twenty cricket match where Australia versed India would be perfect.
Lachlan hated cricket.
We did not care.
Nana had bought him a really cool present as well. It was tickets to see Taikoz, a Japanese drumming group, who would be performing at the Opera House on the 7th February, a day before his actual birthday.
I wore a shiny blue party dress, and deeply regretted my choice, as I soon found myself battling with intense winds the whole time.
We ate some delicious food at a fancy resturant a stone's throw away from the Opera House, and were having a great time together. After eating we decided to make our way over to the Opera House and wait until the performance began.
While Nana went to the bathroom, Lachlan grabbed my hand and said, "Come with me! I want to show you something!"
Smiling I ran along with him, and began climbing the steps of the Opera House. We reached a landing and looked out onto the harbour. The sun was setting, and everything was beautiful. I took in a deep breath of the salty sea air and relaxed on the railing.
Lachlan began talking about something, but to be honest I wasn't really paying attention. I wanted to just savour this moment in front of me.
"...so, I didn't want to wait until my birthday..." I could hear him babbling on. I continued my ignorance...
"...well, I was thinking, why not? Christina?"
I turned and said, "Yes?" a little irritated that he had broken my moment of serenity.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Summercamp
Summercamp was definitely the place where I got to experience my summer romance.
Yes, it is true that I was already in a romantic relationship with my not-yet boyfriend, but Summercamp was like the water and sunshine which helped our romance blossom. It was the most enjoyable three days of the new year.
Most of our morning was spent inside listening to our guest speaker preach, but the afternoons we had mostly to ourselves. On the first afternoon a whole bunch of us headed down to Soldier's Beach. It was a scorchingly hot 40+ degree day. We skipped across the hot sand and dove into the refreshingly cold waves.
Now I do not like waves. In fact I don't like most things about the beach; the sand, the constantly dirty feet, the wind, the sunburn and the seaweed. So it was a BIG deal for me to even be in the water, but it was just too hot to be anywhere else.
I was happy enough to sit in the surf close to shore, but to my dismay Lachlan headed further out into deeper water. He motioned to me to come and join him, but I was very reluctant. I am not a strong swimmer and waves terrify me. But I loved this man and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.
Slowly and tentatively I swam out to him. I could feel my heart racing and I tried my hardest to not panic and turn back. The whole time the temptation to give up ran through my mind. I finally reached my man and stayed as close to him as possible.
Each giant wave rolled by in two second blocks and I simply let myself float over the top of them. Lachlan got concerned that I would wear myself out and told me to dive under the waves instead.
So I followed his advice.
I lost my tankini top...
My embarrassment was indescribable. I didn't think Lachlan saw anything, but I was still stunned and decided to head back to the shore. I was convinced- waves hated me and I them.
I now know that Lachlan did actually see the event, which does not encourage me to go into the surf any more than it did that horrible day nearly 2 years ago.
My embarrassment was over yet either. About half an hour later, Lachlan and I decided to head up to the rock pools to, um, look at the sea life...really we were off to find a secluded spot to make out in.
As we walked along the beach we went through a bit of a slippery patch and before I knew it I was on my back staring up at the bewildered face of Lachlan.
Red-faced and sore I picked myself up and trodded along (carefully). Lachlan kept asking me if I was OK, which I repeatedly said I was, but I didn't think my recovery from embarrassment was ever going to happen after this trip to the beach.
One late afternoon, well after my humilating experience after the beach, Lachlan and I lay on the grass staring up at the twilight. The whole time he kept telling me how much he loved me and thought I was amazing. I just lay there drinking in his words, cuddling them close to my heart, lest I forget and mess up the good that was in my life. Later on we swung on the swings and bounced on the trampoline, enjoying the innocence of our friendship and the young, fresh beginnings of our romance.
The time passed quickly and soon we found ourselves back on the road (minus random cafes and pit toilets) heading back to Penrith. Lachlan sat in the back of my car, and passed his hand through to my seat, quietly resting it on my shoulder. I felt so close to him.
Despite the events I wished to forget at the beach, I loved every moment of Summercamp. It started off 2009 on a high and set in motion the best events of my life...
Yes, it is true that I was already in a romantic relationship with my not-yet boyfriend, but Summercamp was like the water and sunshine which helped our romance blossom. It was the most enjoyable three days of the new year.
Most of our morning was spent inside listening to our guest speaker preach, but the afternoons we had mostly to ourselves. On the first afternoon a whole bunch of us headed down to Soldier's Beach. It was a scorchingly hot 40+ degree day. We skipped across the hot sand and dove into the refreshingly cold waves.
Now I do not like waves. In fact I don't like most things about the beach; the sand, the constantly dirty feet, the wind, the sunburn and the seaweed. So it was a BIG deal for me to even be in the water, but it was just too hot to be anywhere else.
I was happy enough to sit in the surf close to shore, but to my dismay Lachlan headed further out into deeper water. He motioned to me to come and join him, but I was very reluctant. I am not a strong swimmer and waves terrify me. But I loved this man and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.
Slowly and tentatively I swam out to him. I could feel my heart racing and I tried my hardest to not panic and turn back. The whole time the temptation to give up ran through my mind. I finally reached my man and stayed as close to him as possible.
Each giant wave rolled by in two second blocks and I simply let myself float over the top of them. Lachlan got concerned that I would wear myself out and told me to dive under the waves instead.
So I followed his advice.
I lost my tankini top...
My embarrassment was indescribable. I didn't think Lachlan saw anything, but I was still stunned and decided to head back to the shore. I was convinced- waves hated me and I them.
I now know that Lachlan did actually see the event, which does not encourage me to go into the surf any more than it did that horrible day nearly 2 years ago.
My embarrassment was over yet either. About half an hour later, Lachlan and I decided to head up to the rock pools to, um, look at the sea life...really we were off to find a secluded spot to make out in.
As we walked along the beach we went through a bit of a slippery patch and before I knew it I was on my back staring up at the bewildered face of Lachlan.
Red-faced and sore I picked myself up and trodded along (carefully). Lachlan kept asking me if I was OK, which I repeatedly said I was, but I didn't think my recovery from embarrassment was ever going to happen after this trip to the beach.
One late afternoon, well after my humilating experience after the beach, Lachlan and I lay on the grass staring up at the twilight. The whole time he kept telling me how much he loved me and thought I was amazing. I just lay there drinking in his words, cuddling them close to my heart, lest I forget and mess up the good that was in my life. Later on we swung on the swings and bounced on the trampoline, enjoying the innocence of our friendship and the young, fresh beginnings of our romance.
The time passed quickly and soon we found ourselves back on the road (minus random cafes and pit toilets) heading back to Penrith. Lachlan sat in the back of my car, and passed his hand through to my seat, quietly resting it on my shoulder. I felt so close to him.
Despite the events I wished to forget at the beach, I loved every moment of Summercamp. It started off 2009 on a high and set in motion the best events of my life...
Toukley, roadside cafes and pit toilets
Three weeks has passed and Lachlan & I were absolutely blooming. Ever since that magical kiss at Christmas (which I had not told anyone about) I was more head over heels for him than ever before.
But as time passed so did my desperation for us to finally be together. I mustered up all my courage and told Joanne and my sister Emily about the kiss. They were so happy, but also concerned. It was definitely time for things to be made official.
Our youth group was preparing for a big trip up to Toukley on the Central Coast for a Summercamp. I was very excited about this camp simply because Lachlan was going to be there.
The day arrived and my sister Emily, my two friends Emily B and Aden and myself piled ourselves into my car and off we went. Lachlan was driving with someone else and had left a little later than myself. This made me very happy, because after 2 hours of driving I would at least have the advantage of freshening up and looking fabulous despite the long journey.
The first hour passed with no dramas. However we soon realised something- we were all STARVING! We desperately needed food, so decided to exit off the main freeway and head down a random unknown road to a location we had no idea about.
Not our brightest moment.
We took several turns and tried our best to remember each road and finally happened to pass a roadside cafe. Pulling up, we jumped out, stretched and basked in the scorching summer heat. Emily (my sister) and Aden headed up the hill to the toilet shed. Emily B and I went inside to buy some food and satisfy our hunger.
The food was disgusting. It was over-fried, dripping in oil and covered in flies. We ran out before anyone could ask us what we wanted to buy. The toilet stop wasn't much of a success either. Aden & Emily came to us pale-faced and distraught. They had never seen such a foul toilet in all their lives. We went to see...
We were getting back into the car and getting out of that random, disgusting place in the middle of nowhere faster than when we pulled up. After driving around for a while, we realised that we were slightly lost. We made random turns onto roads which seemed more major than not and looked for signs which told us the direction of the Freeway.
After about 20 minutes in silent panic we turned back onto the highway and continued our journey- hungry and more desperate for a toilet than ever before.
McDonalds was our saving grace.
Finally we came into Toukley and did that many U-turns it seemed utterly ridiculous. Finally my phone began ringing. Lachlan had not only beaten me, but he was now worried. I jokingly asked him if Foster was close to Toukley, which did not help his worries.
But he needn't have worried for we were only a few minutes away. And when we pulled up we breathed a big sigh of relief. That was the most entertaining, stressful and memorable car road trips I've ever had!
But the 3 days were only just beginning and many many things were still to come...
But as time passed so did my desperation for us to finally be together. I mustered up all my courage and told Joanne and my sister Emily about the kiss. They were so happy, but also concerned. It was definitely time for things to be made official.
Our youth group was preparing for a big trip up to Toukley on the Central Coast for a Summercamp. I was very excited about this camp simply because Lachlan was going to be there.
The day arrived and my sister Emily, my two friends Emily B and Aden and myself piled ourselves into my car and off we went. Lachlan was driving with someone else and had left a little later than myself. This made me very happy, because after 2 hours of driving I would at least have the advantage of freshening up and looking fabulous despite the long journey.
The first hour passed with no dramas. However we soon realised something- we were all STARVING! We desperately needed food, so decided to exit off the main freeway and head down a random unknown road to a location we had no idea about.
Not our brightest moment.
We took several turns and tried our best to remember each road and finally happened to pass a roadside cafe. Pulling up, we jumped out, stretched and basked in the scorching summer heat. Emily (my sister) and Aden headed up the hill to the toilet shed. Emily B and I went inside to buy some food and satisfy our hunger.
The food was disgusting. It was over-fried, dripping in oil and covered in flies. We ran out before anyone could ask us what we wanted to buy. The toilet stop wasn't much of a success either. Aden & Emily came to us pale-faced and distraught. They had never seen such a foul toilet in all their lives. We went to see...
We were getting back into the car and getting out of that random, disgusting place in the middle of nowhere faster than when we pulled up. After driving around for a while, we realised that we were slightly lost. We made random turns onto roads which seemed more major than not and looked for signs which told us the direction of the Freeway.
After about 20 minutes in silent panic we turned back onto the highway and continued our journey- hungry and more desperate for a toilet than ever before.
McDonalds was our saving grace.
Finally we came into Toukley and did that many U-turns it seemed utterly ridiculous. Finally my phone began ringing. Lachlan had not only beaten me, but he was now worried. I jokingly asked him if Foster was close to Toukley, which did not help his worries.
But he needn't have worried for we were only a few minutes away. And when we pulled up we breathed a big sigh of relief. That was the most entertaining, stressful and memorable car road trips I've ever had!
But the 3 days were only just beginning and many many things were still to come...
Friday, October 15, 2010
Christmas
Christmas.
A time of joy and love and generosity. A time to remember the birth of Christ and to show others we care for them and exchange gifts.
My first Christmas with Lachlan.
I was both nervous and excited. I looked at the present I had wrapped for him and shook my head over and over again. Such a ridiculous gift. He would surely think I'm some kid after today. A glow-in-the-dark teddy dressed in a ridiculously over-priced Spiderman outfit & Nooma DVDs? Surely that couldn't be my gift to the man who had made my life so worthwhile for the past 6 months?!
Constrained to the dollars I made at Best & Less, I couldn't really afford anything fancy and I still didn't want to make things a "big deal", seeing as there was no deal to make big yet...
~sigh
I looked at the gift again and gave up. This was the best I could do and I was going to be so embarrassed when he opened it. Maybe I could become invisible for the moments following its unwrapping so that I don't have to make eye contact with him and explain myself...
Dressing up in a brand new hot pink and black party dress my mum and dad had bought me as their gift, we headed off to church to meet Lachlan and join in the service. He looked so handsome that morning- once he finally decided to show up anyway. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to make it in time for the service, and he nearly didn't because he was enjoying a late breakfast with his parents and lost track of time.
He was wearing a grey jacket and light blue shirt. His eyes were so bright and alive and his smile- gosh it made my heart melt all over again. Motioning to the empty seat next to me, I got him to sit down and we enjoyed the beautiful Christmas service singing songs and watching the kids show our pastor their gifts.
After the service we headed back to my house, and I got the privilege of riding in his dad's Mercedes. I hardly moved, for fear of doing something which might in fact break the car. Perhaps this was a slight over-reaction but in my mind ANYTHING could happen (or subsequently break) whenever I was around!
I did however pull down the viser to look at the mirror and ensure I didn't look too ridiculous. As I pulled it down however, the whole mirror FELL OUT! I sat there freaking out with the broken mirror in my lap. Lachlan, too, was starting to panic that I had broken something in the car! My stomach sank...how on earth could I afford to fix anything in a Mercedes? How on earth could I ever face his father again?!
Suddenly Lachlan started laughing. I was so confused and asked him what was so funny. He then told me that the mirror always falls out and had been broken for ages. Oh, and my face had apparently been 'priceless'...
We pulled up to my house, and quickly before we alighted from the car, Lachlan turned to me and said, "OK, Christina. I love your parents. But I have to admit something..."
"Yes?"
"I'm a little nervous."
"Why? You've been over heaps of times! What's so different about Christmas?"
"I've never done the whole family-celebrating-holidays with any of my girlfriends before."
"Well, I'm not your girlfriend yet, so don't worry." I tried reassuring him.
He smiled and we headed inside. I stayed close to him and tried everything to make sure he was comfortable. I think he soon got over his nerves once we sat down for lunch. Nothing was different and I think he was glad it was casual and fun.
After lunch came the moment I had been dreading however. He looked at his gift and smiled. Opening the gift he began laughing. Great. He thought I was ridiculous. Grabbing me in a massive hug he thanked me for the gift and said he loved it. Surprised, but very happy I began laughing and tried to explain the gift. He didn't care. He was happy.
Then I got to open my gift from him. It was light and squishy. Pulling it out of the wrapping paper, I found myself in possession of the most hilarious T-shirt. It said "I <3 my geek."
I asked him if he thought he was in fact that geek. He affirmed that he indeed did think so. I confirmed his thoughts. After spending a little longer at my place, Lachlan and I then headed off to spend the rest of the evening at his place with his parents.
We ate and enjoyed the company. It was a really lazy and enjoyable afternoon. Looking at his parents, he announced that he was taking me downstairs to give me my other present. Curious and surprised, I looked at him questionly as he dragged me along down to his room.
I stood in the doorway and waited. He pulled out a large A5 size card.
I thanked him for it and opened it up. Inside was a gift certificate to climb the Harbour Bridge! I was blown away at this expensive and thoughtful gift. Looking up at him I smiled but found no words coming out.
It was one of those times where time stood still and a million thoughts raced through my mind per second, and I took the time to argue with each of those thoughts.
Just say it. You have to now. How can you not tell him how you feel after everything he's done this year? After spending so much on a gift?
I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him profusely for the present. I was overwhelmed. Pausing I then said, "You know, you know that I love you, right?"
He looked down at me and said, "You really should be careful about what you say,"
I was shattered! For a split second I was crushed and then I became angry. How could he say that? How could that be his response?
Before I could say anything else, he leaned down and he kissed me. Properly. I stood there shaking; both in my unnecessary and momentary anger, and in shock at was just happening!
I was kissing Lachlan! He was kissing me!
Pulling back, he looked at me and said, "I love you too Christina Parker."
I walked into my house later that night and my family was watching the movie, "Ever After". It was towards the end and the scene where Dannielle kisses her prince comes onto the screen.
"Ew! Kissing boys is disgusting! Don't you think Christina?" my little sister, Rebecca asked me.
"Oh yea. Really gross." I blushed.
After showing my parents my amazing gift I went into my room and closed the door. I closed my eyes. I smiled that whole night.
I had received a perfect gift. I would never forget that Christmas...
A time of joy and love and generosity. A time to remember the birth of Christ and to show others we care for them and exchange gifts.
My first Christmas with Lachlan.
I was both nervous and excited. I looked at the present I had wrapped for him and shook my head over and over again. Such a ridiculous gift. He would surely think I'm some kid after today. A glow-in-the-dark teddy dressed in a ridiculously over-priced Spiderman outfit & Nooma DVDs? Surely that couldn't be my gift to the man who had made my life so worthwhile for the past 6 months?!
Constrained to the dollars I made at Best & Less, I couldn't really afford anything fancy and I still didn't want to make things a "big deal", seeing as there was no deal to make big yet...
~sigh
I looked at the gift again and gave up. This was the best I could do and I was going to be so embarrassed when he opened it. Maybe I could become invisible for the moments following its unwrapping so that I don't have to make eye contact with him and explain myself...
Dressing up in a brand new hot pink and black party dress my mum and dad had bought me as their gift, we headed off to church to meet Lachlan and join in the service. He looked so handsome that morning- once he finally decided to show up anyway. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to make it in time for the service, and he nearly didn't because he was enjoying a late breakfast with his parents and lost track of time.
He was wearing a grey jacket and light blue shirt. His eyes were so bright and alive and his smile- gosh it made my heart melt all over again. Motioning to the empty seat next to me, I got him to sit down and we enjoyed the beautiful Christmas service singing songs and watching the kids show our pastor their gifts.
After the service we headed back to my house, and I got the privilege of riding in his dad's Mercedes. I hardly moved, for fear of doing something which might in fact break the car. Perhaps this was a slight over-reaction but in my mind ANYTHING could happen (or subsequently break) whenever I was around!
I did however pull down the viser to look at the mirror and ensure I didn't look too ridiculous. As I pulled it down however, the whole mirror FELL OUT! I sat there freaking out with the broken mirror in my lap. Lachlan, too, was starting to panic that I had broken something in the car! My stomach sank...how on earth could I afford to fix anything in a Mercedes? How on earth could I ever face his father again?!
Suddenly Lachlan started laughing. I was so confused and asked him what was so funny. He then told me that the mirror always falls out and had been broken for ages. Oh, and my face had apparently been 'priceless'...
We pulled up to my house, and quickly before we alighted from the car, Lachlan turned to me and said, "OK, Christina. I love your parents. But I have to admit something..."
"Yes?"
"I'm a little nervous."
"Why? You've been over heaps of times! What's so different about Christmas?"
"I've never done the whole family-celebrating-holidays with any of my girlfriends before."
"Well, I'm not your girlfriend yet, so don't worry." I tried reassuring him.
He smiled and we headed inside. I stayed close to him and tried everything to make sure he was comfortable. I think he soon got over his nerves once we sat down for lunch. Nothing was different and I think he was glad it was casual and fun.
After lunch came the moment I had been dreading however. He looked at his gift and smiled. Opening the gift he began laughing. Great. He thought I was ridiculous. Grabbing me in a massive hug he thanked me for the gift and said he loved it. Surprised, but very happy I began laughing and tried to explain the gift. He didn't care. He was happy.
Then I got to open my gift from him. It was light and squishy. Pulling it out of the wrapping paper, I found myself in possession of the most hilarious T-shirt. It said "I <3 my geek."
I asked him if he thought he was in fact that geek. He affirmed that he indeed did think so. I confirmed his thoughts. After spending a little longer at my place, Lachlan and I then headed off to spend the rest of the evening at his place with his parents.
We ate and enjoyed the company. It was a really lazy and enjoyable afternoon. Looking at his parents, he announced that he was taking me downstairs to give me my other present. Curious and surprised, I looked at him questionly as he dragged me along down to his room.
I stood in the doorway and waited. He pulled out a large A5 size card.
I thanked him for it and opened it up. Inside was a gift certificate to climb the Harbour Bridge! I was blown away at this expensive and thoughtful gift. Looking up at him I smiled but found no words coming out.
It was one of those times where time stood still and a million thoughts raced through my mind per second, and I took the time to argue with each of those thoughts.
Just say it. You have to now. How can you not tell him how you feel after everything he's done this year? After spending so much on a gift?
I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him profusely for the present. I was overwhelmed. Pausing I then said, "You know, you know that I love you, right?"
He looked down at me and said, "You really should be careful about what you say,"
I was shattered! For a split second I was crushed and then I became angry. How could he say that? How could that be his response?
Before I could say anything else, he leaned down and he kissed me. Properly. I stood there shaking; both in my unnecessary and momentary anger, and in shock at was just happening!
I was kissing Lachlan! He was kissing me!
Pulling back, he looked at me and said, "I love you too Christina Parker."
I walked into my house later that night and my family was watching the movie, "Ever After". It was towards the end and the scene where Dannielle kisses her prince comes onto the screen.
"Ew! Kissing boys is disgusting! Don't you think Christina?" my little sister, Rebecca asked me.
"Oh yea. Really gross." I blushed.
After showing my parents my amazing gift I went into my room and closed the door. I closed my eyes. I smiled that whole night.
I had received a perfect gift. I would never forget that Christmas...
Rendezvous in Bethlehem
2008 was coming to close. It had been a fruitful and unexpected year, full of surprises and change. I was sad that such a year full of memories was finishing, but in many ways I was excited to be heading into a new year (and hopefully) and new stage in my relationship with Lachlan.
For many years now, my church had held a huge Christmas event for the Penrith community known as the Bethlehem Experience. This event was always a favourite of mine. The church built a fairly large "city" in the middle of the paddock, which represented the city of Bethlehem at the time of the birth of Jesus Christ. There are many actors, animals, sights, smells and sounds which add to the "reality" of the experience.
For the first time I would be acting in Bethlehem as an oil merchant. I was so excited. Lachlan was going to be a fishmonger. When we looked at the layout of the city, however, we realised that we were actually fairly far apart from each other in the city.
Together we planned our "secret" rendezvous in which we would meet up somewhere and play thumbwars aka bask in each other's pathetically in-love presence.
The week leading up to the Bethlehem Experience was a little bumpy however. Lachlan and I decided that we definitely wanted to "officially" announce our relationship properly. It wasn't like anything we did together would change- we were an item. We just wanted a date to celebrate it with now!
Mum was still hesitant about the whole thing and told me to talk to my youth pastor and get her perspective on the situation. I did so, and nothing really changed. Everyone still thought we may as well wait to help us deal with the "pressures" of relationships. In my mind that made absolutely no sense! I would be hiding more if I wasn't officially in a relationship with this boy more than if I was! At least if I was going out with him I could kiss him in public and not be crucified...
Depressed and despondant, Lachlan and I headed into the Bethlehem Experience week rather melancholy and defeated. Would we EVER be together?
The acting was lots of fun despite the issue of our relationship hanging over my head. I spent more time "helping" the fishmongers out more than doing my part in the oil stall. It was pathetic to be sure, but it made me very happy, and the special moments where Lachlan and I could just talk and laugh together were so precious! It certainly DID NOT help my longing to be with him.
After the long week of late nights, memorizing lines and laughing endlessly with my best friend, I was totally exhausted. Not to mention my failed attempt at procuring a relationship with Lachlan did not help at all. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Christmas was only a few days away (where I would have to meet all his family again and be perfect again) and I lay there just praying that something might happen and I would receive the present of a lifetime.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Other Half
So my thanksgiving adventure with Lachlan's family was successful. I hadn't done anything completely stupid and his lovely family seemed to like me, which I thought was a huge bonus!
However, my task of winning of family was not quite finished. The following week I was invited to Wes' (Lachlan's dad) 50th birthday party, which included his mother's side of the family. Needless to say, I was still nervous. Biting the bullet was a bit hard to do, because I now had a reputation with his mum and dad, and either that was to be exceeded greatly at this dinner, or it was to fall apart with, what would most likely be, my own foolish ways and words.
The Saturday night arrived, and it was cold and wet, which was a little disappointing for the end of November. Lachlan escorted me into the Lebonese restuarant, and we were greeted with smiles and kisses once more.
There were many fond memories of that night, and I am glad to say that all went well, despite my nerves. I did drop my knife at some point throughout the evening, and luckily only Lachlan noticed. However the embarrassment was still plain as day upon my complexion.
I made good friends with his Aunt Cheryl, as she and I both shared a fondness for felines. I will say, though, her passion ran a little deeper than mine, and I will admit I feared that one day I could end up like her. So I just prayed that Lachlan and I would stick...
Lachlan's grandmother (his mother's mother) was also there, and was the sweetest lady I had met. I felt terrible halfway through dinner, however, because of my lack of compassion.
While eating her food, Granny, (who was quite hard of seeing, and hearing), reached out for what, I assume, she thought was a mild green vegetable. She had, in fact, grabbed a very hot chili.
Popping the deadly spice into her mouth, she remained quite composed at first, and then proceeded to spit the chili out and cool her tongue off, in the most absurd and humourous fashion. Lachlan and I sat opposite her, and were the only ones who had noticed this event at first. We tried so hard....please believe me! We tried our very hardest not to laugh, but eventually giggles spilled slightly.
Poor Granny. We were truly terrible people!
Apart from our lack of compassion, his family seemed to enjoy my company and I do believe I made a second first good impression. That night I decided to breathe again. The 2 week challenge of families was over. It was quite relieving and comforting to know that I could be liked in another family other than my own.
And it was comforting to know that Lachlan believed I was special enough to be introduced to them. It made feel loved very much indeed. One day I would gain the courage to tell him that...
However, my task of winning of family was not quite finished. The following week I was invited to Wes' (Lachlan's dad) 50th birthday party, which included his mother's side of the family. Needless to say, I was still nervous. Biting the bullet was a bit hard to do, because I now had a reputation with his mum and dad, and either that was to be exceeded greatly at this dinner, or it was to fall apart with, what would most likely be, my own foolish ways and words.
The Saturday night arrived, and it was cold and wet, which was a little disappointing for the end of November. Lachlan escorted me into the Lebonese restuarant, and we were greeted with smiles and kisses once more.
There were many fond memories of that night, and I am glad to say that all went well, despite my nerves. I did drop my knife at some point throughout the evening, and luckily only Lachlan noticed. However the embarrassment was still plain as day upon my complexion.
I made good friends with his Aunt Cheryl, as she and I both shared a fondness for felines. I will say, though, her passion ran a little deeper than mine, and I will admit I feared that one day I could end up like her. So I just prayed that Lachlan and I would stick...
Lachlan's grandmother (his mother's mother) was also there, and was the sweetest lady I had met. I felt terrible halfway through dinner, however, because of my lack of compassion.
While eating her food, Granny, (who was quite hard of seeing, and hearing), reached out for what, I assume, she thought was a mild green vegetable. She had, in fact, grabbed a very hot chili.
Popping the deadly spice into her mouth, she remained quite composed at first, and then proceeded to spit the chili out and cool her tongue off, in the most absurd and humourous fashion. Lachlan and I sat opposite her, and were the only ones who had noticed this event at first. We tried so hard....please believe me! We tried our very hardest not to laugh, but eventually giggles spilled slightly.
Poor Granny. We were truly terrible people!
Apart from our lack of compassion, his family seemed to enjoy my company and I do believe I made a second first good impression. That night I decided to breathe again. The 2 week challenge of families was over. It was quite relieving and comforting to know that I could be liked in another family other than my own.
And it was comforting to know that Lachlan believed I was special enough to be introduced to them. It made feel loved very much indeed. One day I would gain the courage to tell him that...
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thanksgiving
The year was passing by quickly and slowly. In reality it had been quite a fast year, but in my mind I felt like time between Lachlan and I making things 'official' was crawling by at a snail's pace. However, November came and holidays for Christmas were soon looming.
At the end of October Lachlan had informed me that at the end of November his family was having Thanksgiving lunch with his dad's family and I was invited. I had also been invited out for his dad's 50th birthday with his mum's family the following week (which will be another post). I would be meeting his entire family in the space of 7 days.
Needless to say I was a little nervous.
To help me cope with these two seemingly HUGE events in my head, my darling friend Jo took me on a shopping date. I spent well over $200 on clothes and shoes and accessories to cater for the two dates. I had to look up-to-date and reasonably in tune with the latest fashion. If only I had the money to keep that up today...
I woke up so early the Sunday morning of Thanksgiving and had the longest shower of my life. Every hair on my head had to be indiviually washed and conditioned. I had to scrub enough to the point where I would be glowing.
My beautiful sister, Emily helped me out by drying and styling my hair nicely and then applying on a tonne of make-up. I felt like a celebrity, and loved how excited my family was for me. They were simply fluttering all over me. If they were so excited about me meeting his family, why wouldn't they let me go out with the boy?!
Never mind...
After spending a short time helping to set kids church up with my family, Lachlan arrived to pick me up. Nervously I left and hopped into his car. We arrived at his house and I got to meet his sister, her boyfriend and their cousins Ariel and Nick along with his Aunt Linda and her partner Mark. Although meeting all these people all at once slightly overwhelmed me, I had to stay cool. There was still more people to meet at his grandparent's home.
Plus, so far no one had been awfully mean to me. In fact, everyone were completely friendly! Eventually we were on our way to lunch, which I had actually physically prepared for. Growing up with a Hungarian background taught me very quickly that if there is any sort of lunch/dinner get-together that the stomach remains empty until that time.
We held hands as we walked up the drive to the entry of his grandparent's home. We were first greeted by his beautiful Nana. He introduced me as his girlfriend and I nearly fell over with joy. She kissed me hello and welcomed us in. Soon I was kissing every other relative in the house. His aunts, uncles, cousins and friends were everywhere!
Although I was obviously clinging closely to my man, I had to keep telling myself to be a little brave. I mentally promised myself a cherry ripe chocolate at the end if I did. So I tried my best to try and talk to people around me, especially Nana.
I think we got along really well, and soon I was eating, drinking and laughing as if I had known them all for years. The only embarrassing time I had at the lunch was when we first sat down at the table. I went to pick up my knife or move it or something (I can't actually remember) but the next thing I knew, it was clanging on the floor.
I felt so stupid.
Quietly Lachlan leaned over, smirking at my fumble and whispered, "Fallacy". I cracked up. Although fallacy was not the correct description of the incident, it sounded right, as if that was exactly what you were meant to say when someone drops a piece of cutlery on the ground.
We always use that word out of context now at the table whenever we eat. It has become our "oh dear, how embarrassing," term.
Lunch finished and I soon found myself being offered a slice of pumpkin pie. There were two problems...no three problems to this:
1) I was so full I doubted my ability to fit any more food into my stomach
2) I hated pumpkin as a general rule
3) I wanted to impress Lachlan and do everything right no matter the cost.
I accepted the generous offer and sat down. I picked off a bit, held my breath, opened my mouth and ate the dessert.
I literally opened my eyes in sheer delight. That experience- the flavours, texture, EVERYTHING- was amazing! I had never tasted anything like it before. I loved it! I now regretted being so full, because I would have gladly accepted a second slice. I now look forward to my once-a-year slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. It is the one thing I can always be assurred will be fantastic in my year.
The end of the afternoon came and the goodbyes followed. I had had the best time, and felt so grateful that meeting half his family had been so good. Afterwards, Lachlan told me that Nana had pulled him aside and asked if he thought I was going to stick around. He said he hoped so. She agreed and said she hoped I would be his last girlfriend.
I hoped so too.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Being Honest
It took me a good two and a half days to write the letter.
I don't remember how neat my writing was, but I do remember ensuring that I carefully planned each word which went down on to the paper. This was going to be an important letter, and I couldn't make any mistakes.
So I wrote it all down, as many details as I could remember. I believe there are more details I could have included, and many of them I can think of now. But I didn't include them because my mind had blocked them out. And it is only now, nearly seven years later, that my mind is healing enough for me to painfully remember, and slowly recover.
So I sealed the envelope.
I mailed it off.
He needed to know the hurt and baggage I was carrying. Because if I never told him, I would ruin the happiness we were enjoying.
Two days after I had posted the letter, he called me. He had just finished reading it.
He told me how sorry he was, and how much he wanted to show me that everything would be safe with him. I would never again be hurt that way again.
And I knew I could trust him, because he didn't reject me despite my past.
It was the biggest relief, and the happiest moment I had ever had. I could feel safe once more.
I don't remember how neat my writing was, but I do remember ensuring that I carefully planned each word which went down on to the paper. This was going to be an important letter, and I couldn't make any mistakes.
So I wrote it all down, as many details as I could remember. I believe there are more details I could have included, and many of them I can think of now. But I didn't include them because my mind had blocked them out. And it is only now, nearly seven years later, that my mind is healing enough for me to painfully remember, and slowly recover.
So I sealed the envelope.
I mailed it off.
He needed to know the hurt and baggage I was carrying. Because if I never told him, I would ruin the happiness we were enjoying.
Two days after I had posted the letter, he called me. He had just finished reading it.
He told me how sorry he was, and how much he wanted to show me that everything would be safe with him. I would never again be hurt that way again.
And I knew I could trust him, because he didn't reject me despite my past.
It was the biggest relief, and the happiest moment I had ever had. I could feel safe once more.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Late nights
September passed and we headed into October. The month of many, many late nights.
For once since our 'relationship' had begun, school had become useful and helpful. As I had started my HSC curriculum at school I found myself swamped with homework, assignments and random essays constantly. For the majority of most nights I was cooped up in my bedroom trying to stay on top of it all.
By the time I had finished my family had usually gone to bed (of course, 9:30pm was a late night for them, so it wasn't hard to work through their goodnights). I soon found this to my own advantage, because I could shut my door and have all the privacy in the world. Private phone calls soon began.
For the first couple of nights we didn't talk for long, because we were still wary of my parents waking up and finding out I was using up my credit quicker than the Sun dries water. However, as time passed I mastered the art of sneaking through the house, stealing the house phone and calling Lachlan for free.
I thought I was pure genius.
Since I had given us more free time to talk we had to figure out ways in which we could fill up time effectively.
The real genius, that being Lachlan, stepped up to the plate and invented our 'game'. We still play this game, and I often cheat. I can't help it; he taught me all the bad habits I know.
I am certain that other people play the same game as we do, but we love it and always manage to make it special.
The 'game' was a question game, where we would take turns asking the other person a question. Our questions certainly started out very simple and easy, but as we grew to know each other more, the questions became more complicated. And soon we became so comfortable around each other that we both said things which embarrassed us greatly.
The first embarrassment was to be experienced for yours truly.
I had just gotten off the phone after a lengthy, wondersul 2-hour conversation into the early hours of the morning. I reached for my mobile phone, and with great excitement sent a text message to my sister sleeping down the hallway. The text message said:
"Oh my goodness! I just spent the last 2 hours talking to my future husband!"
Emily never replied, and I wasn't surprised. 1am messags are often hard to reply to. However, she did not forget the text message at all. That week I came to youth on the Friday night and found Emily talking to Lachlan. Walking up to them I asked what was going on.
Emily then proceeded to tell me that she had shown him my text message. I remember that moment so clearly in my mind. I felt sick; so sick I nearly ran to the bathroom out of extreme humiliation. I was so angry and upset! That message was never EVER meant to be seen by his eyes!
The rest of the night I was so moody, upset and awful to be around. I thought that this would probably mean the end of things. He wouldn't want to be around a crazy girl who came across as if she was already planning their wedding.
However, the tables soon turned (thankfully!).
The following week, as we chatted quietly on the phone, we got on to the subject of Maths and English.
My darling Lachlan, the poor delusional man, was a fan, enthuisast and lover of all things mathematical. He certainly needed much love and prayer in my books. I am the English girl. I love reading, writing and creativity.
Anyway, I was explaining to Lachlan (well, actually it was more like lamenting) how today's children are losing the art of English and speaking, reading or writing properly because of technology. If you have ever spent any short amount of time with Lachlan, you would know that he is a computer nerd. And I was attacking his beloved technology. He took up arms.
As we debated the subject, he stumbled and brought us to a one-all draw in the embarrassed books.
Exhasperated he said, "Well at least we know that our children will have..."
I stopped mid-sentence and listened to the silence on his end of the phone. Then I began to laugh hysterically at his innocent blunder in referencing to our future 'children'. He was so embarrassed! And I do believe he grew quite tired of my constant laughing and told me to stop. It was not funny!
Finally we both agreed that the draw had come and we moved on from the two incidents as if they had never happened. But I'll always remember our blunders. Our blunders made us more real and open with each other.
And it was time I was more open with him than I had ever been before.
For once since our 'relationship' had begun, school had become useful and helpful. As I had started my HSC curriculum at school I found myself swamped with homework, assignments and random essays constantly. For the majority of most nights I was cooped up in my bedroom trying to stay on top of it all.
By the time I had finished my family had usually gone to bed (of course, 9:30pm was a late night for them, so it wasn't hard to work through their goodnights). I soon found this to my own advantage, because I could shut my door and have all the privacy in the world. Private phone calls soon began.
For the first couple of nights we didn't talk for long, because we were still wary of my parents waking up and finding out I was using up my credit quicker than the Sun dries water. However, as time passed I mastered the art of sneaking through the house, stealing the house phone and calling Lachlan for free.
I thought I was pure genius.
Since I had given us more free time to talk we had to figure out ways in which we could fill up time effectively.
The real genius, that being Lachlan, stepped up to the plate and invented our 'game'. We still play this game, and I often cheat. I can't help it; he taught me all the bad habits I know.
I am certain that other people play the same game as we do, but we love it and always manage to make it special.
The 'game' was a question game, where we would take turns asking the other person a question. Our questions certainly started out very simple and easy, but as we grew to know each other more, the questions became more complicated. And soon we became so comfortable around each other that we both said things which embarrassed us greatly.
The first embarrassment was to be experienced for yours truly.
I had just gotten off the phone after a lengthy, wondersul 2-hour conversation into the early hours of the morning. I reached for my mobile phone, and with great excitement sent a text message to my sister sleeping down the hallway. The text message said:
"Oh my goodness! I just spent the last 2 hours talking to my future husband!"
Emily never replied, and I wasn't surprised. 1am messags are often hard to reply to. However, she did not forget the text message at all. That week I came to youth on the Friday night and found Emily talking to Lachlan. Walking up to them I asked what was going on.
Emily then proceeded to tell me that she had shown him my text message. I remember that moment so clearly in my mind. I felt sick; so sick I nearly ran to the bathroom out of extreme humiliation. I was so angry and upset! That message was never EVER meant to be seen by his eyes!
The rest of the night I was so moody, upset and awful to be around. I thought that this would probably mean the end of things. He wouldn't want to be around a crazy girl who came across as if she was already planning their wedding.
However, the tables soon turned (thankfully!).
The following week, as we chatted quietly on the phone, we got on to the subject of Maths and English.
My darling Lachlan, the poor delusional man, was a fan, enthuisast and lover of all things mathematical. He certainly needed much love and prayer in my books. I am the English girl. I love reading, writing and creativity.
Anyway, I was explaining to Lachlan (well, actually it was more like lamenting) how today's children are losing the art of English and speaking, reading or writing properly because of technology. If you have ever spent any short amount of time with Lachlan, you would know that he is a computer nerd. And I was attacking his beloved technology. He took up arms.
As we debated the subject, he stumbled and brought us to a one-all draw in the embarrassed books.
Exhasperated he said, "Well at least we know that our children will have..."
I stopped mid-sentence and listened to the silence on his end of the phone. Then I began to laugh hysterically at his innocent blunder in referencing to our future 'children'. He was so embarrassed! And I do believe he grew quite tired of my constant laughing and told me to stop. It was not funny!
Finally we both agreed that the draw had come and we moved on from the two incidents as if they had never happened. But I'll always remember our blunders. Our blunders made us more real and open with each other.
And it was time I was more open with him than I had ever been before.
Exo Day
I am no fan of crowds. In fact I would rather eat a bowl of disgusting, evil Weet-bix than get caught (and most likely drown) in a sea of people.
So, although Exo Day is a fun day to hang out with friends from church, it is one event that I don't always find enjoyable, simply because thousands of people attend. However, as I was a youth leader I needed to go to watch out for some young girls I was in charge of. Plus he was going. Always the bonus.
It was the most miserable weather! Rain bucketing down, and literally 3 spaces for shelter. After trying to 'enjoy' the shower by exploring the rides, music and food stalls, we all chickened out and headed to an empty shed where rappers and BMX bikers were singing/riding to their heart's content.
Although neither rap music, nor fancy tricks on BMX bikes interested me, I was just glad to be dry-ish...well at least no wetter than before. But it was still chilly from winter and my jacket was no longer providing me with sufficient warmth.
Our group, which consisted of about 8 people including Lachlan, Joanne and some other friends from school, the girls I was watching and myself, soon found our 'spot', claimed it and sat down. We had no intention of moving at all until the night was over, which wouldn't happen for another 3-4hours. I was OK with that, because I am lazy and can just sit in one spot for ages and do absolutely nothing. I don't know how the others felt about it, but I didn't really care.
I was staying put.
Not long after we had settled, Lachlan and Joanne were hankering for some ice-cream. I thought they were insane because it was so cold, however off they went to get their creamy delight.
When they came back I was given the most thoughtful surprise! Lachlan had searched far and wide until he returned with a towel. Wrapping myself in it I was drying off and warming up quickly. It was the sweetest gift he had given me!
Of course toward the end of the night he and some of the other guys had gotten into this weird mood and were going slightly insane, but overall it was a great night.
That towel is my favourite of all towels I've ever owned.
Leaning in
My favourite activity when it comes to birthdays is to organise surprises. My mother was turning the ancient age of 40, and thus a perfect opportunity had come for a massive surprise birthday party.
And believe me, this party was huge. We had over 100 people hide out at a friend's place in Orchard Hills (they conveniently had a huge house/backyard)with enough food to feed a small country, a bush band with large tent for bush dancing, several fires burning and plenty of balloons.
The surprise was a huge success; my mother was so not prepared for 100 people to come charging out at her, yelling "SURPRISE!" Then again, who ever is? It was the best!!
My dad's parents came to the party, along with my great-grandmother. It was the first time Lachlan would meet them and he soon got roped into talking to my grandfather about fixing cars, or something boy-ish like that. I felt sorry for him in a way. I also found it a little amusing.
As the night progressed and our stomachs filled, we all found ourselves eager to do some dancing. As dorky as I think bush-dancing is, it was so much fun! Everyone was laughing, singing and being uncoordinated all at once!
I was extremely happy, because now I had an excuse to publically hold Lachlan's hands as we swung around doing the dosey doe, or heel & toe. And it was during this wonderful dancing that I received a spectacular bruise.
Dear, dear Lachlan still apologises today. I often bring it up whenever I am feeling hard-done-by (in the sense of the word). For example, if he won't reveal his secret plans to me, or he won't listen to my ridiculous rants about grammar or he won't give me exactly what I want when I want it.
I am yet to use the event against him in a serious manner.
So there we were, dancing around, when suddenly his foot, which was supposed to go one direction, went the wrong direction and eventually found itself planted on top of my foot. The pain, needless to say after one has had a grown man's foot stomp on top of their foot, was rather substantial.
The look on his face when he realised he had hurt me - absolutely priceless!
He was so upset that he had injured me. I laughed it off and told him it was totally fine, which it was. I felt very special to have his foot imprint on mine. The bruise was beautiful; big, purple and swollen. I couldn't really dance for the remainder of the evening, but I could sit down with him for a few hours and just hang out. In the end I believe I won no matter what happened.
As we sat there on the hay bale, with the fire burning in front of us we were soon ambushed by the lady who had given up her property for the party. And she stood there with a camera, demanding to take a picture of us together.
So we sat there and waited, smiling. She rolled her eyes, and couldn't do it.
"For goodness sake you two, we know all about you! Lean in!"
Blushing, I looked at Lachlan, and bent my head awkwardly and remained pretty much unchanged.
"Lean in, I said!"
"I am!" I shouted back.
"Whatever, sit still and smile, you fools."
And she took the picture, laughing at our embarrassed and timid smiles. I felt like I had 'leaned in' heaps for that photo. I look at it now and shake my head. I was so foolish sometimes.
But despite this, I felt like we were 'leaning in' heaps. We were getting closer and closer, and I was loving the overwhelming feeling of being in love. It was so brand new and fresh. It was special and untainted. It was perfect.
And believe me, this party was huge. We had over 100 people hide out at a friend's place in Orchard Hills (they conveniently had a huge house/backyard)with enough food to feed a small country, a bush band with large tent for bush dancing, several fires burning and plenty of balloons.
The surprise was a huge success; my mother was so not prepared for 100 people to come charging out at her, yelling "SURPRISE!" Then again, who ever is? It was the best!!
My dad's parents came to the party, along with my great-grandmother. It was the first time Lachlan would meet them and he soon got roped into talking to my grandfather about fixing cars, or something boy-ish like that. I felt sorry for him in a way. I also found it a little amusing.
As the night progressed and our stomachs filled, we all found ourselves eager to do some dancing. As dorky as I think bush-dancing is, it was so much fun! Everyone was laughing, singing and being uncoordinated all at once!
I was extremely happy, because now I had an excuse to publically hold Lachlan's hands as we swung around doing the dosey doe, or heel & toe. And it was during this wonderful dancing that I received a spectacular bruise.
Dear, dear Lachlan still apologises today. I often bring it up whenever I am feeling hard-done-by (in the sense of the word). For example, if he won't reveal his secret plans to me, or he won't listen to my ridiculous rants about grammar or he won't give me exactly what I want when I want it.
I am yet to use the event against him in a serious manner.
So there we were, dancing around, when suddenly his foot, which was supposed to go one direction, went the wrong direction and eventually found itself planted on top of my foot. The pain, needless to say after one has had a grown man's foot stomp on top of their foot, was rather substantial.
The look on his face when he realised he had hurt me - absolutely priceless!
He was so upset that he had injured me. I laughed it off and told him it was totally fine, which it was. I felt very special to have his foot imprint on mine. The bruise was beautiful; big, purple and swollen. I couldn't really dance for the remainder of the evening, but I could sit down with him for a few hours and just hang out. In the end I believe I won no matter what happened.
As we sat there on the hay bale, with the fire burning in front of us we were soon ambushed by the lady who had given up her property for the party. And she stood there with a camera, demanding to take a picture of us together.
So we sat there and waited, smiling. She rolled her eyes, and couldn't do it.
"For goodness sake you two, we know all about you! Lean in!"
Blushing, I looked at Lachlan, and bent my head awkwardly and remained pretty much unchanged.
"Lean in, I said!"
"I am!" I shouted back.
"Whatever, sit still and smile, you fools."
And she took the picture, laughing at our embarrassed and timid smiles. I felt like I had 'leaned in' heaps for that photo. I look at it now and shake my head. I was so foolish sometimes.
But despite this, I felt like we were 'leaning in' heaps. We were getting closer and closer, and I was loving the overwhelming feeling of being in love. It was so brand new and fresh. It was special and untainted. It was perfect.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Birches, Mary and False Prayers
Late Wednesday afternoon we reached our destination. We were staying at the Birches Motel, about a 15 minute walk from our venue for the conference. We were so exhausted, but had to keep going as the first night session would be starting soon. Forcing the energy and enthusiasm took a lot out of us, but we were all very glad to be there. It was a fabulous conference.
There was one girl who was staying with us who was rather synical of Lachlan and I. She somehow had watched us like a hawk the whole trip down and probably saw us holding hands. So off she went to tattle to my mother. I was so annoyed.
Mum gently pulled me aside and questioned me about my 'public displays of affection' with Lachlan, and I told her mostly everything. Of course I felt extremely guilty for lying to my mother, but I was nervous. Plus half the stuff the girl had told my mum wasn't true, so I knew I was telling the truth for 80% of everything. I just happened to leave out the holding hands part...
The girl even went up to my sister and said that if Lachlan and I weren't going out then she was the Virgin Mary. Ah Mary...the name remains for her today.
In fact her new nickname stuck almost instantly. Lachlan, Emily, Justin and myself all began calling her that, and then we were discovered. My dad, who is not a subtle person, and who certainly takes some time in understanding when things are meant to be 'inside' stuff, pretty much gave us away.
We were all sitting in a resturant after our morning session at the conference for lunch. Emily and I noticed on the menu that they were serving Bloody Marys, and being close sisters who don't usually require too much explaination between each other, we both started cracking up. It was definitely an inside joke, because we just found it hilarious. Any reference to any Mary was now a joke for us.
Soon Lachlan and Justin were well aware of why we were laughing, and soon joined us. Then my dad wanted to add his laughter. So he asked us what was wrong. I'm almost 100% sure that he didn't know about the 'Virgin Mary' sitting next to him, so when we pointed to the drink, he said "I don't understand, what is so funny about Bloody Marys?"
An awkward silence fell over his particular table, as "Mary" grew bright red and uncomfortable. She knew we were laughing at her, and as we tried despereately to suppress our giggles (unsuccessfully), she grew more and more angry. Oh the glares!! They were certainly priceless.
Apart from our Biblical character issues, we also had to deal with our own 'spiritual' falseness. It was during this conference that everyone discovered the terrible truth about Michael Gugglielmucci, and a sombre atmosphere had fallen over the conference.
Although we were devastated by the news, we didn't let it affect us too much. I know that if I had thought about it too much, I would've become a very angry and bitter person.
I believe that it was on the afternoon of the awful announcement when Lachlan, Emily and I found ourselves sitting and waiting in the conference lobby all alone because we had missed getting into one the electives. Walking too slowly never pays off.
While we sat there and waited, we saw the co-ordinator of the whole conference coming towards us. He was our Christian celebrity at the time. Both Emily & Lachlan felt extremely excited by the fact that he could be walking past us, but then they began to freak out, in case he asked us why we weren't in an elective.
It was then Emily said the quote of the trip for us all.
"Quick pretend to be spiritual and pray!"
I laughed, but to my amazement looked and saw both of them heads bent, eyes closed. They were pathetic. Feeling confident that they had managed to fool the co-ordinator once he had headed out of the lobby onto the busy Melbourne street, they looked back up and we continued to wait for everyone to come out of their electives. There were many moments like those ones, where we all ended up in hysterics. It was truly one of my favourite memeories.
Finally came Saturday morning-early again-and we began our trip home. Lachlan and I were sitting next to each other in the middle of the bus this time. I was feeling more confident around him, and easily rested my head upon his shoulder once more.
When we woke up however, we were both extremely embarrassed. Our window had completely fogged up. It was the only window on the whole bus that had fogged up. Everyone made a big deal about it, asking us what we had been doing which could have caused the window to fog. Even my dad light-heartedly joked about us!
The moments of embarrassment were now going to be part of the norm for us. I would have to get used to it. But even those moments with him I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
There was one girl who was staying with us who was rather synical of Lachlan and I. She somehow had watched us like a hawk the whole trip down and probably saw us holding hands. So off she went to tattle to my mother. I was so annoyed.
Mum gently pulled me aside and questioned me about my 'public displays of affection' with Lachlan, and I told her mostly everything. Of course I felt extremely guilty for lying to my mother, but I was nervous. Plus half the stuff the girl had told my mum wasn't true, so I knew I was telling the truth for 80% of everything. I just happened to leave out the holding hands part...
The girl even went up to my sister and said that if Lachlan and I weren't going out then she was the Virgin Mary. Ah Mary...the name remains for her today.
In fact her new nickname stuck almost instantly. Lachlan, Emily, Justin and myself all began calling her that, and then we were discovered. My dad, who is not a subtle person, and who certainly takes some time in understanding when things are meant to be 'inside' stuff, pretty much gave us away.
We were all sitting in a resturant after our morning session at the conference for lunch. Emily and I noticed on the menu that they were serving Bloody Marys, and being close sisters who don't usually require too much explaination between each other, we both started cracking up. It was definitely an inside joke, because we just found it hilarious. Any reference to any Mary was now a joke for us.
Soon Lachlan and Justin were well aware of why we were laughing, and soon joined us. Then my dad wanted to add his laughter. So he asked us what was wrong. I'm almost 100% sure that he didn't know about the 'Virgin Mary' sitting next to him, so when we pointed to the drink, he said "I don't understand, what is so funny about Bloody Marys?"
An awkward silence fell over his particular table, as "Mary" grew bright red and uncomfortable. She knew we were laughing at her, and as we tried despereately to suppress our giggles (unsuccessfully), she grew more and more angry. Oh the glares!! They were certainly priceless.
Apart from our Biblical character issues, we also had to deal with our own 'spiritual' falseness. It was during this conference that everyone discovered the terrible truth about Michael Gugglielmucci, and a sombre atmosphere had fallen over the conference.
Although we were devastated by the news, we didn't let it affect us too much. I know that if I had thought about it too much, I would've become a very angry and bitter person.
I believe that it was on the afternoon of the awful announcement when Lachlan, Emily and I found ourselves sitting and waiting in the conference lobby all alone because we had missed getting into one the electives. Walking too slowly never pays off.
While we sat there and waited, we saw the co-ordinator of the whole conference coming towards us. He was our Christian celebrity at the time. Both Emily & Lachlan felt extremely excited by the fact that he could be walking past us, but then they began to freak out, in case he asked us why we weren't in an elective.
It was then Emily said the quote of the trip for us all.
"Quick pretend to be spiritual and pray!"
I laughed, but to my amazement looked and saw both of them heads bent, eyes closed. They were pathetic. Feeling confident that they had managed to fool the co-ordinator once he had headed out of the lobby onto the busy Melbourne street, they looked back up and we continued to wait for everyone to come out of their electives. There were many moments like those ones, where we all ended up in hysterics. It was truly one of my favourite memeories.
Finally came Saturday morning-early again-and we began our trip home. Lachlan and I were sitting next to each other in the middle of the bus this time. I was feeling more confident around him, and easily rested my head upon his shoulder once more.
When we woke up however, we were both extremely embarrassed. Our window had completely fogged up. It was the only window on the whole bus that had fogged up. Everyone made a big deal about it, asking us what we had been doing which could have caused the window to fog. Even my dad light-heartedly joked about us!
The moments of embarrassment were now going to be part of the norm for us. I would have to get used to it. But even those moments with him I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Vulnerable
The trip was adventurous in so many ways. I eventually fell asleep on Lachlan's shoulder around lunchtime, which someone happily captured on their camera. We all had a great time, singing, laughing and enjoying the countryside as we drove along. It was somewhere in the middle of our trip that I felt my vulnerability escalate dramatically.
Lachlan slid his hand into mine.
My heart raced at a million miles an hour. My mind literally was blurry for a few moments, as I thought about what was happening. As you have probably guessed, if I freaked out brushing his hand in a bucket of popcorn, surely I was on the verge of a minature heart attack by now.
You are basically right.
I had two very serious options in those moments. Moments which would define the speed, length and strength of this relationship. If I pulled away, I would literally be pulling away. Or I could embrace it and let things flourish.
Luckily, against my natural reactions, I chose the latter option and stayed still. Probably too still. I think I almost went rigid as I tried desperately to act 'normal'. As if I had had plenty of boys hold my hand before. As if I wasn't afraid of hands.
Perhaps he sensed my timidness...I'm sure my slight shaking gave it away. He loosened his hold, and gently placed his hand on top of mine. I felt a wave of relief. He was so considerate and aware of how I felt. Gosh I loved him!
Despite feeling so scared and nervous, that moment was so precious to me. It was the most loving thing any boy had ever done. I was so overwhelmed that he liked me; me! A young 17 year old school girl, who had no clue about anything in the world except that one day she would save earth and get married and have lots of kids along the way.
I was a complete fool, and he found me interesting. He made me a better person; a stronger person; a more down-to-earth, realistic person. He just made me.
By the time we reached Melbourne, we were holding hands properly. Underneath my green scarf so my parents wouldn't see. But properly at least.
And I felt less vulnerable in a sense, and then again I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. But it was a good feeling, and I'm glad it happened. I'm glad it all happened.
Lachlan slid his hand into mine.
My heart raced at a million miles an hour. My mind literally was blurry for a few moments, as I thought about what was happening. As you have probably guessed, if I freaked out brushing his hand in a bucket of popcorn, surely I was on the verge of a minature heart attack by now.
You are basically right.
I had two very serious options in those moments. Moments which would define the speed, length and strength of this relationship. If I pulled away, I would literally be pulling away. Or I could embrace it and let things flourish.
Luckily, against my natural reactions, I chose the latter option and stayed still. Probably too still. I think I almost went rigid as I tried desperately to act 'normal'. As if I had had plenty of boys hold my hand before. As if I wasn't afraid of hands.
Perhaps he sensed my timidness...I'm sure my slight shaking gave it away. He loosened his hold, and gently placed his hand on top of mine. I felt a wave of relief. He was so considerate and aware of how I felt. Gosh I loved him!
Despite feeling so scared and nervous, that moment was so precious to me. It was the most loving thing any boy had ever done. I was so overwhelmed that he liked me; me! A young 17 year old school girl, who had no clue about anything in the world except that one day she would save earth and get married and have lots of kids along the way.
I was a complete fool, and he found me interesting. He made me a better person; a stronger person; a more down-to-earth, realistic person. He just made me.
By the time we reached Melbourne, we were holding hands properly. Underneath my green scarf so my parents wouldn't see. But properly at least.
And I felt less vulnerable in a sense, and then again I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. But it was a good feeling, and I'm glad it happened. I'm glad it all happened.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Kidshaper
This would have to be my first favourite memory of our adventures together.
Every year, Kidshaper conference is held in Melbourne, Victoria. It's a conference specifically for kids leaders and those involved in children's ministry. As you can imagine, a conference full of hyper-active kids pastors, leaders and workers simply makes for one crazy, fun getaway.
About 10-12 of us from church were given the opportunity to go this conference that year, including Lachlan and myself. I was so over-excited! 12 hours 'stuck' sitting next to him on a mini bus all the way down the Hume Highway.
What could possibly be better than that?
I don't think many people understand my way of thinking sometimes. I am pretty sure only Lachlan, and maybe my mother knows how my mind can work. And even then, I'm pretty sure they haven't really experienced my logic in all its severity.
So, there I was sitting at school, gloating to all my friends that I only had a two-day week and that I would be gone from Wednesday for the conference, when suddenly my mind started ticking.
>I began to think about how I would need to get up at about 4am on Wednesday morning, so that I had ample time to wash my hair, get dressed and perhaps rub on some make-up before my parents whisked us out of the house to go to the church and begin our journey.
>Then I thought about how ill I usually feel whenever I wake up earlier than 6am and was beginning to come up with methods in which I could counteract the queasy feelings.
>As I thought about this I thought about how I didn't want Lachlan to realise my weakness for early mornings, and I certainly was NOT going to be throwing up during the trip. So I decided that I would stick to just sleeping for the first couple of hours of the trip in order that I would avoid feeling ill.
>And then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I needed to be comfortable when I slept, and usually the window was not always a great pillow. I then thought about the possibility of sleeping on someone's shoulder...on his shoulder.
The idea excited me. It would be the first real 'romantic' gesture between us. I had to make sure it happened, and that it happened perfectly. And so my crazy, over-thinking brain spent the remainder of the afternoon thinking up ways in which I could make this work out.
By the time Wednesday had come, my plan was all figured out on how to get Lachlan to give up his shoulder for me. We got to the church at 4:30am and found Lachlan and his friend Justin WIDE awake in the carpark.
Weird boys who have no regard for the precious-ness of sleep.
As we began packing the bus, Lachlan and I somehow during our early morning conversation, ended up on the field next to the carpark. I then watched as Lachlan proceeded to chase a rabbit in the dark.
Don't ask me how we got to this point. It was too early in the morning for me to remember. I do remember laughing a lot..and being a little disturbed along the way.
Finally we got on the bus for our long trip down south. I headed to the back of the bus and sat next to the window. Lachlan hopped on and subtly slid down next to me. Everyone else on the bus rolled their eyes, smiling at our attempts to keep things just as 'friends'.
We were hopeless fools.
The trip began and I made myself comfortable against the window. My plan was to make Lachlan do all the work instead of me. And sure enough, I had charmed the boy so well that he took the bait.
Tapping me on the shoulder, he said "Christina, are you awake?"
"Slightly. The window is cold." I laughed quietly.
"Yea I bet. Do you...you wanna lie on my shoulder for a while. Only if you need sleep."
"I'd love to." I smiled as I leaned over.
I was so happy, I couldn't sleep in the end. But I lay there anyway, enjoying his strong, warm shoulder on that cold, dark August morning, as we headed to our Melbourne destination.
Again, he had become my perfect man.
Every year, Kidshaper conference is held in Melbourne, Victoria. It's a conference specifically for kids leaders and those involved in children's ministry. As you can imagine, a conference full of hyper-active kids pastors, leaders and workers simply makes for one crazy, fun getaway.
About 10-12 of us from church were given the opportunity to go this conference that year, including Lachlan and myself. I was so over-excited! 12 hours 'stuck' sitting next to him on a mini bus all the way down the Hume Highway.
What could possibly be better than that?
I don't think many people understand my way of thinking sometimes. I am pretty sure only Lachlan, and maybe my mother knows how my mind can work. And even then, I'm pretty sure they haven't really experienced my logic in all its severity.
So, there I was sitting at school, gloating to all my friends that I only had a two-day week and that I would be gone from Wednesday for the conference, when suddenly my mind started ticking.
>I began to think about how I would need to get up at about 4am on Wednesday morning, so that I had ample time to wash my hair, get dressed and perhaps rub on some make-up before my parents whisked us out of the house to go to the church and begin our journey.
>Then I thought about how ill I usually feel whenever I wake up earlier than 6am and was beginning to come up with methods in which I could counteract the queasy feelings.
>As I thought about this I thought about how I didn't want Lachlan to realise my weakness for early mornings, and I certainly was NOT going to be throwing up during the trip. So I decided that I would stick to just sleeping for the first couple of hours of the trip in order that I would avoid feeling ill.
>And then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I needed to be comfortable when I slept, and usually the window was not always a great pillow. I then thought about the possibility of sleeping on someone's shoulder...on his shoulder.
The idea excited me. It would be the first real 'romantic' gesture between us. I had to make sure it happened, and that it happened perfectly. And so my crazy, over-thinking brain spent the remainder of the afternoon thinking up ways in which I could make this work out.
By the time Wednesday had come, my plan was all figured out on how to get Lachlan to give up his shoulder for me. We got to the church at 4:30am and found Lachlan and his friend Justin WIDE awake in the carpark.
Weird boys who have no regard for the precious-ness of sleep.
As we began packing the bus, Lachlan and I somehow during our early morning conversation, ended up on the field next to the carpark. I then watched as Lachlan proceeded to chase a rabbit in the dark.
Don't ask me how we got to this point. It was too early in the morning for me to remember. I do remember laughing a lot..and being a little disturbed along the way.
Finally we got on the bus for our long trip down south. I headed to the back of the bus and sat next to the window. Lachlan hopped on and subtly slid down next to me. Everyone else on the bus rolled their eyes, smiling at our attempts to keep things just as 'friends'.
We were hopeless fools.
The trip began and I made myself comfortable against the window. My plan was to make Lachlan do all the work instead of me. And sure enough, I had charmed the boy so well that he took the bait.
Tapping me on the shoulder, he said "Christina, are you awake?"
"Slightly. The window is cold." I laughed quietly.
"Yea I bet. Do you...you wanna lie on my shoulder for a while. Only if you need sleep."
"I'd love to." I smiled as I leaned over.
I was so happy, I couldn't sleep in the end. But I lay there anyway, enjoying his strong, warm shoulder on that cold, dark August morning, as we headed to our Melbourne destination.
Again, he had become my perfect man.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tea Party
Term 3 began and I had found a new friendship in a lovely young girl who was going through the same emotional rollercoaster as I. She was waiting for a man 4years older than her, and she had to wait until she was 18...a whole 6months or so after she graduated from High School!!
Needless to say I was loving my parents greatly by this stage.
I remember one recess in the beginning of August, sitting on the concrete in the school yard with her discussing our dilemmas.
It was cold, but the sun was brighter than normal and kept us fairly 'warm' in the sense of the word. Somehow, during this quiet, sunny day we ended up chatting about the subject of tea parties.
We both decided that they were lots of fun; cucumber sandwiches, delicate china with hot tea and jellies, biscuits and cake. So, our loving and sharing nature soon kicked into gear, and we found ourselves planning a tea party which would be held at Lockie's place.
I knew Lockie would be thrilled with the idea.
For some reason (perhaps the desire to prove that he was indeed perfect, and did want to pretend he enjoyed tea parties) Lockie agreed to the double date at his place and a Sunday afternoon was chosen.
Sunday 10th August 2008 came. After church had finished I went looking for Lachlan to head off to his place for the party. As I looked I received a devastating text.
My friend and her man couldn't make it as they were both sick! I began to do what I did best whenever faced with dealing with alone time in this new relationship, and felt panic set in.
Luckily as my frantic, panicked gaze scoured the crowd looking for Lockie, I found myself facing Karen. Maybe, my fears weren't necessary quite yet.
"Karen, would you and Matt like to come out to lunch with Lachlan and I now?"
"Sure. I don't see why not. I'll go get Matt."
Saved by the insane, panic gaze.
I sat alone in his car on the way there and for the most part, I stared out the passenger window, trying to stay 'cool'. I tried to maintain perfection in everything; the way I folded my legs, the way I smiled, the way I strained to silence an annoying cough without him noticing, the way I subtly wiped away the tears in my eyes from supressing the cough, the way I barely breathed lest it be too heavy for his precious ears to handle etc etc.
Plus, I had one more fear to face; his parents.
I knew they would be lovely people, for how could such a lovely man such as Lachlan come from parents who were nasty? However, although this logic was flawless, it still did not help calm my fears.
We drove for what seemed like eternity, and finally made it to his driveway. I was totally taken aback, for his house was not what I had expected. His driveway alone was endless, giving me the sense that this boy had a spectacular home at the end to show.
As we approached the house, I am sure my mouth was gaping wide open. His home and land was huge! I just remembered thinking about how pretty his home was. The space, the simple design, the serenity which would come from living in this place; it simply made my heart feel completely envious.
Once I finally closed my unattractive gob, we got out of the car. As soon as we got out, we were greeted in the most jovial manner by his two dogs at the time, Roofus and Nelson. Gosh they were beautiful dogs! Although Roofus kind of intimidated me a little; you'd be scared too if you faced a dog that size! He was like a miniture horse!!
I immediately loved his dad. He was so friendly! It calmed my nerves down so much. His mum wasn't home at the time, so we all headed inside and started getting lunch ready.
When I went into their kitchen, I knew exactly what a blessing a big kitchen was. Their kitchen was wonderful! Perhaps it's only a girl obsession, but seriously this kitchen was huge, spacious and pretty much perfect in my books. My kitchen will be just like that one!
Lachlan started preparing the steaks for lunch. I think back to that day, and the way he was trying too hard to impress me with his kitchen skills. It was the most delightful thing I've ever watched. Nevertheless, his cooking was rather brilliant, so perhaps the showing off worked.
By the time the steaks were prepared, his mum arrived home. Again, she was so friendly, and I felt rather foolish for feeling so nervous. We cooked and ate our steaks, and then settled down for a movie.
Then the unexpected happened.
Karen and Matt had to leave, because Matt had to get to work, and he was Karen's transport home! I would have to hang out with Lachlan all alone in the end anyway! Maybe God was trying to send a subtle message and tell me to get over my fear, grow some confidence and be normal!
So I took a deep breath and slowly,carefully sat down next to him. So far, so good. I hadn't done anything stupid...yet.
Halfway through the movie, he paused it and asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. In those few moments I had a couple of choices; say no, and pretend I cared about my appearance, weight and appetite OR say yes and eat something delicious.
In reality I was craving chocolate, so I thought I would ask what he wanted to eat first before I gave my final answer.
He wanted double coated chocolate TimTams.
The perfect man was improving by the second! We ran upstairs, grabbed the packet of chocolate goodness, and headed back down to our film. We also grabbed a slice of cake each, because let's face it; it was a day for all things indulgent.
As I sat there watching, I sensed Lachlan was not really watching the movie, but me.
Glancing over, I smiled.
"Everything OK?"
"Oh yea, sure." he said grabbing his third TimTam.
"I'm just trying to distract myself with these biscuits."
"Ah, ok?" I said slightly confused.
"If I occupy my hands with these biscuits then I won't be tempted to hold your beautiful hand."
Well, wasn't that completely unexpected?
I blushed and looked at the 'beautiful' hand, and realised that I should probably do the same thing to avoid trying to hold his hand.
Being 'just friends' was going to be harder than we both realised. I think I resented school from that moment on. So there we sat for the rest of the movie, not saying anything at all, and eating as many TimTams as we could.
Needless to say I was loving my parents greatly by this stage.
I remember one recess in the beginning of August, sitting on the concrete in the school yard with her discussing our dilemmas.
It was cold, but the sun was brighter than normal and kept us fairly 'warm' in the sense of the word. Somehow, during this quiet, sunny day we ended up chatting about the subject of tea parties.
We both decided that they were lots of fun; cucumber sandwiches, delicate china with hot tea and jellies, biscuits and cake. So, our loving and sharing nature soon kicked into gear, and we found ourselves planning a tea party which would be held at Lockie's place.
I knew Lockie would be thrilled with the idea.
For some reason (perhaps the desire to prove that he was indeed perfect, and did want to pretend he enjoyed tea parties) Lockie agreed to the double date at his place and a Sunday afternoon was chosen.
Sunday 10th August 2008 came. After church had finished I went looking for Lachlan to head off to his place for the party. As I looked I received a devastating text.
My friend and her man couldn't make it as they were both sick! I began to do what I did best whenever faced with dealing with alone time in this new relationship, and felt panic set in.
Luckily as my frantic, panicked gaze scoured the crowd looking for Lockie, I found myself facing Karen. Maybe, my fears weren't necessary quite yet.
"Karen, would you and Matt like to come out to lunch with Lachlan and I now?"
"Sure. I don't see why not. I'll go get Matt."
Saved by the insane, panic gaze.
I sat alone in his car on the way there and for the most part, I stared out the passenger window, trying to stay 'cool'. I tried to maintain perfection in everything; the way I folded my legs, the way I smiled, the way I strained to silence an annoying cough without him noticing, the way I subtly wiped away the tears in my eyes from supressing the cough, the way I barely breathed lest it be too heavy for his precious ears to handle etc etc.
Plus, I had one more fear to face; his parents.
I knew they would be lovely people, for how could such a lovely man such as Lachlan come from parents who were nasty? However, although this logic was flawless, it still did not help calm my fears.
We drove for what seemed like eternity, and finally made it to his driveway. I was totally taken aback, for his house was not what I had expected. His driveway alone was endless, giving me the sense that this boy had a spectacular home at the end to show.
As we approached the house, I am sure my mouth was gaping wide open. His home and land was huge! I just remembered thinking about how pretty his home was. The space, the simple design, the serenity which would come from living in this place; it simply made my heart feel completely envious.
Once I finally closed my unattractive gob, we got out of the car. As soon as we got out, we were greeted in the most jovial manner by his two dogs at the time, Roofus and Nelson. Gosh they were beautiful dogs! Although Roofus kind of intimidated me a little; you'd be scared too if you faced a dog that size! He was like a miniture horse!!
I immediately loved his dad. He was so friendly! It calmed my nerves down so much. His mum wasn't home at the time, so we all headed inside and started getting lunch ready.
When I went into their kitchen, I knew exactly what a blessing a big kitchen was. Their kitchen was wonderful! Perhaps it's only a girl obsession, but seriously this kitchen was huge, spacious and pretty much perfect in my books. My kitchen will be just like that one!
Lachlan started preparing the steaks for lunch. I think back to that day, and the way he was trying too hard to impress me with his kitchen skills. It was the most delightful thing I've ever watched. Nevertheless, his cooking was rather brilliant, so perhaps the showing off worked.
By the time the steaks were prepared, his mum arrived home. Again, she was so friendly, and I felt rather foolish for feeling so nervous. We cooked and ate our steaks, and then settled down for a movie.
Then the unexpected happened.
Karen and Matt had to leave, because Matt had to get to work, and he was Karen's transport home! I would have to hang out with Lachlan all alone in the end anyway! Maybe God was trying to send a subtle message and tell me to get over my fear, grow some confidence and be normal!
So I took a deep breath and slowly,carefully sat down next to him. So far, so good. I hadn't done anything stupid...yet.
Halfway through the movie, he paused it and asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. In those few moments I had a couple of choices; say no, and pretend I cared about my appearance, weight and appetite OR say yes and eat something delicious.
In reality I was craving chocolate, so I thought I would ask what he wanted to eat first before I gave my final answer.
He wanted double coated chocolate TimTams.
The perfect man was improving by the second! We ran upstairs, grabbed the packet of chocolate goodness, and headed back down to our film. We also grabbed a slice of cake each, because let's face it; it was a day for all things indulgent.
As I sat there watching, I sensed Lachlan was not really watching the movie, but me.
Glancing over, I smiled.
"Everything OK?"
"Oh yea, sure." he said grabbing his third TimTam.
"I'm just trying to distract myself with these biscuits."
"Ah, ok?" I said slightly confused.
"If I occupy my hands with these biscuits then I won't be tempted to hold your beautiful hand."
Well, wasn't that completely unexpected?
I blushed and looked at the 'beautiful' hand, and realised that I should probably do the same thing to avoid trying to hold his hand.
Being 'just friends' was going to be harder than we both realised. I think I resented school from that moment on. So there we sat for the rest of the movie, not saying anything at all, and eating as many TimTams as we could.
Quakes and Burns
It was around 12:30am, and I was sound asleep.
However, I wasn't so asleep that I missed hearing my phone go off. I blinked several times, yawned, stretched and fumbled around in the dark until I found the phone.
The light from the text message was so bright, that I couldn't read it at first. However, once I recovered from the blinding light, I read the early morning message from Lockie.
"Just experienced my first earthquake in Tokyo! It was so sudden & scary! I think there might be aftershocks."
...
I bolted up from my bed and began to panic! My boy was in danger of dying in an earthquake! I couldn't do anything! I felt so helpless.
I sent him a text back asking if he was OK and if he could go somewhere safe. Eventually after many reassurances from his end that he was OK and that the danger had passed, I reluctantly lay back down.
I couldn't sleep for the rest of that night.
It wasn't until I heard from him in Malaysia that I felt better. He was finally out of that shaking country! Of course I was not particularly impressed by his reaction to the whole event.
"heya,
im in malasia atm, the earth quake was big but not dangerous, i loved every second of it!!"
...
Boys. Stupid stupid boys. They give you heart attacks and think nothing more of the situation than just an "awesome" experience.
Although I thought he was insane and completely delirious, I was glad he was safe. And I was also excited. He was finally in Malaysia, which meant he would home in less than 24hours!
The night he was landing was a very sleepless night for me. I couldn't wait to see him so much!
The next day we organised for a lunch date with his friend and his girlfriend Karen. Karen and I were super excited! We sat waiting and waiting and finally we saw the two boys. We ran so fast towards them and I'm sure we look completely ridiculous.
However before I could give Lockie the biggest hug, I was stopped.
He had the worst sunburn all over his back and neck! He didn't want me to hurt him, so I was foreced to gentle pat him hello.
Completely pathetic.
Stupid boy, who thinks earthquakes are fun and who gets badly sunburnt so I can't hug him properly.
Never mind I guess. He was home.
However, I wasn't so asleep that I missed hearing my phone go off. I blinked several times, yawned, stretched and fumbled around in the dark until I found the phone.
The light from the text message was so bright, that I couldn't read it at first. However, once I recovered from the blinding light, I read the early morning message from Lockie.
"Just experienced my first earthquake in Tokyo! It was so sudden & scary! I think there might be aftershocks."
...
I bolted up from my bed and began to panic! My boy was in danger of dying in an earthquake! I couldn't do anything! I felt so helpless.
I sent him a text back asking if he was OK and if he could go somewhere safe. Eventually after many reassurances from his end that he was OK and that the danger had passed, I reluctantly lay back down.
I couldn't sleep for the rest of that night.
It wasn't until I heard from him in Malaysia that I felt better. He was finally out of that shaking country! Of course I was not particularly impressed by his reaction to the whole event.
"heya,
im in malasia atm, the earth quake was big but not dangerous, i loved every second of it!!"
...
Boys. Stupid stupid boys. They give you heart attacks and think nothing more of the situation than just an "awesome" experience.
Although I thought he was insane and completely delirious, I was glad he was safe. And I was also excited. He was finally in Malaysia, which meant he would home in less than 24hours!
The night he was landing was a very sleepless night for me. I couldn't wait to see him so much!
The next day we organised for a lunch date with his friend and his girlfriend Karen. Karen and I were super excited! We sat waiting and waiting and finally we saw the two boys. We ran so fast towards them and I'm sure we look completely ridiculous.
However before I could give Lockie the biggest hug, I was stopped.
He had the worst sunburn all over his back and neck! He didn't want me to hurt him, so I was foreced to gentle pat him hello.
Completely pathetic.
Stupid boy, who thinks earthquakes are fun and who gets badly sunburnt so I can't hug him properly.
Never mind I guess. He was home.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The endless trip
I felt like bashing my head in.
I woke up in the morning staring straight up at the ceiling & I wished I could go back into the flawless reality, where only Lockie & I existed. I went to bed at night, and tried everything possible to try and knock myself out so that I could dream about him.
I was so annoyed at him! Why did he have to go during the school holidays? This was the only time I could properly hang out with him, and he wasn't there! I couldn't even complain and hang out with Joanne, because she was with him on the same trip!
The day he left, I wrote my first poem about him. It was pathetic and lame, and no one knew of its existence for a very long time. I have written many poems since then, and most of them are equally lame, but they help me go to a place where he is my perfect man, just as he was in the beginning.
We emailed nearly every day. He took longer to reply than I, because he was much busier than I. It frustrated me more than I could express. But since we were still in our 'early days' I didn't say anything. He had to picture me as a perfect, non-complaining girl for as long as humanly possible.
I still try and keep that image of myself in his head. Not sure how well I'm doing.
Plus I had to the best. He had had a girlfriend only 7 months earlier, and it had ended in shambles. Both parties were hurt and upset, and I had to prove that I could be better. Plus, she had tried coming back into his life only a few days before he left for Japan. I had all the relationship-world obstacles up against me!
I had another problem. My sisters were feeling very neglected. I had nothing to do the whole holidays, but I always managed to find an excuse not to hang out with them, simply because I was miserable.
They were resenting Lockie so much, and I was feeling defensive because they were against him. It ended in many screaming matches and tears. Definitely a learning curve for me, and how I treat others whilst juggling a relationship.
I'm still learning!
Finally Joanne came home. Lockie and another guy had stayed for an extra 5 days. It was good to have Jo home, because she could tell me heaps of stories about Japan aka Lockie. Plus, by that stage, I had started treating my sisters a little better. Calm was returning to the home and to my heart.
Jo was home.
My sisters didn't hate me as much.
And Lockie would be home in 5 days.
And then there was an earthquake.
I woke up in the morning staring straight up at the ceiling & I wished I could go back into the flawless reality, where only Lockie & I existed. I went to bed at night, and tried everything possible to try and knock myself out so that I could dream about him.
I was so annoyed at him! Why did he have to go during the school holidays? This was the only time I could properly hang out with him, and he wasn't there! I couldn't even complain and hang out with Joanne, because she was with him on the same trip!
The day he left, I wrote my first poem about him. It was pathetic and lame, and no one knew of its existence for a very long time. I have written many poems since then, and most of them are equally lame, but they help me go to a place where he is my perfect man, just as he was in the beginning.
We emailed nearly every day. He took longer to reply than I, because he was much busier than I. It frustrated me more than I could express. But since we were still in our 'early days' I didn't say anything. He had to picture me as a perfect, non-complaining girl for as long as humanly possible.
I still try and keep that image of myself in his head. Not sure how well I'm doing.
Plus I had to the best. He had had a girlfriend only 7 months earlier, and it had ended in shambles. Both parties were hurt and upset, and I had to prove that I could be better. Plus, she had tried coming back into his life only a few days before he left for Japan. I had all the relationship-world obstacles up against me!
I had another problem. My sisters were feeling very neglected. I had nothing to do the whole holidays, but I always managed to find an excuse not to hang out with them, simply because I was miserable.
They were resenting Lockie so much, and I was feeling defensive because they were against him. It ended in many screaming matches and tears. Definitely a learning curve for me, and how I treat others whilst juggling a relationship.
I'm still learning!
Finally Joanne came home. Lockie and another guy had stayed for an extra 5 days. It was good to have Jo home, because she could tell me heaps of stories about Japan aka Lockie. Plus, by that stage, I had started treating my sisters a little better. Calm was returning to the home and to my heart.
Jo was home.
My sisters didn't hate me as much.
And Lockie would be home in 5 days.
And then there was an earthquake.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Planes & chicken nuggets
My new semi-relationship was about to experience its first seperation.
On the 10th of July, Lachlan and a whole team from youth, including my best friend Joanne, were heading off on a missions trip to Japan. Lockie told me that if we had gotten together earlier, he would have considered pulling out of the trip.
His affection made my heart melt.
I know now that this 2-week seperation was preparation for something much bigger which would impact us in the future. But until I realised this, I was stuck being devastated by the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him for 14 days! It was tearing me to shreds!
So I decided to follow tradition, and (hopefully) make him love me forever, and never look back. I wrote him letters.
I wrote 16 letters: one for every day he was gone, including his plane trip home. I didn't know what to write for most of them, especially for the days right in the middle of his trip, because I had run out of topics to really talk about. But eventually I came up with enough waffle to cover 16 letters. I printed them out (in secret of course, so that my mother and father wouldn't realise I was writing endless love letters to him) and folded them neatly and put them in my handbag.
A few days before he left I passed my driving test & got my license. I was stoked, but he was even more stoked!! He was so proud of me. It was the best feeling in the world.
I could now drive myself to catch the bus and go to te airport with him. Gathering up my 16 letters, all neatly folded into envelopes (which I had stolen from my mum's stash- she couldn't find this out either, because there was now only 3 envelopes left, and she would make me buy a new pack of envelopes), I jumped into my little blue car and drove to church where the mini bus was waiting.
I hurried down to the bus and watched as he helped everyone load their luggage and find their seats. He made sure that everyone had a place to sit first before he jumped on next to me. I loved him all over again.
As we drove along he handed me a package- my first Lachlan package. These packages were things to be coverted. They contained everything you could possibly want or need and they were thoughtful and loving gifts. I have received several of these packages, and all have been unique and beautiful.
In this package was a letter-something I still have. There were also movies of his, which he wanted me to watch. (little did I know he was secretly trying to convert me into a sci-fi fan. He is still trying), a TV series which he loved & playstation games to play.
I never ended using half of what he had left me, because I became too busy with July school holiday life, but I was (and still am) touched by his thoughtfulness.
We got closer to the airport and my heart was sinking lower and lower. I never thought I would miss anyone so badly, and he hadn't even left yet!
We got out at Sydney airport and walked into the check-in terminal. While he and the others checked in, I took the opportunity of watching over his carry on bag and shoved my 16 letters in. He would get a lovely surprise when he got onto the plane.
After they had checked in we headed off towards the food court for lunch. We were scanned & x-rayed for deadly explosives and once we had passed the test, we headed into a busy court.
Although we weren't running late, we didn't exactly have a huge amount of time, so we quickly ordered the most familiar thing there: chicken nuggets from McDonalds.
Lachlan and I still talk about those nuggets. They were life-changing nuggets. They were hot, crispy and the chicken simply melted in our mouths. I have never tasted chicken nuggets that good since! It is very sad.
As I savoured those delicious nuggets, Lachlan reached for his carry-on luggage. I did not realise what he was doing, until he cried out in surprise at the 16 letters. I was not ready for his discovery and jumped so high I nearly spilled my coke all over myself.
As I pulled myself back together, my gaze caught his. He had the biggest smile on his face. I went so red that people giggled silently.
"Thank you so much!"
"That's OK...it's not much reall..."
"It's perfect"
Relief swept over me for a moment. It was gone in an instant.
"I am so giving you a hug for this later," he whispered.
My heart froze. I had freaked out when I had lightly brushed his hand at the movies! Now he wanted a real hug? I tried to hide my fear and nervousness. What if it wasn't the perfect hug? What if I hugged too tight? What if it didn't spark any magic? Could this be the defining hug for us?
I look back and feel foolish for my over-thinking, but at the time I was truly scared.
Finally it came time for them to head off to customs. Everyone said their goodbyes, and eventually it was only Lockie and I left.
The hug was perfect.
He turned and walked through the glass automatic doors into Customs. I turned around and headed back towards the carpark.
His yell caught me by surprise. I turned back and there he stood at the doors, waving madly. I laughed and waved back.
He went back inside. Before I had a chance to turn around again, he came back to wave some more.
This continued for some time.
Eventually, we were both forced to leave and go our separate ways. But we knew that the goodbye was worth all the stalling in the world.
And now we faced the next two weeks alone. The longest two weeks of our lives.
On the 10th of July, Lachlan and a whole team from youth, including my best friend Joanne, were heading off on a missions trip to Japan. Lockie told me that if we had gotten together earlier, he would have considered pulling out of the trip.
His affection made my heart melt.
I know now that this 2-week seperation was preparation for something much bigger which would impact us in the future. But until I realised this, I was stuck being devastated by the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him for 14 days! It was tearing me to shreds!
So I decided to follow tradition, and (hopefully) make him love me forever, and never look back. I wrote him letters.
I wrote 16 letters: one for every day he was gone, including his plane trip home. I didn't know what to write for most of them, especially for the days right in the middle of his trip, because I had run out of topics to really talk about. But eventually I came up with enough waffle to cover 16 letters. I printed them out (in secret of course, so that my mother and father wouldn't realise I was writing endless love letters to him) and folded them neatly and put them in my handbag.
A few days before he left I passed my driving test & got my license. I was stoked, but he was even more stoked!! He was so proud of me. It was the best feeling in the world.
I could now drive myself to catch the bus and go to te airport with him. Gathering up my 16 letters, all neatly folded into envelopes (which I had stolen from my mum's stash- she couldn't find this out either, because there was now only 3 envelopes left, and she would make me buy a new pack of envelopes), I jumped into my little blue car and drove to church where the mini bus was waiting.
I hurried down to the bus and watched as he helped everyone load their luggage and find their seats. He made sure that everyone had a place to sit first before he jumped on next to me. I loved him all over again.
As we drove along he handed me a package- my first Lachlan package. These packages were things to be coverted. They contained everything you could possibly want or need and they were thoughtful and loving gifts. I have received several of these packages, and all have been unique and beautiful.
In this package was a letter-something I still have. There were also movies of his, which he wanted me to watch. (little did I know he was secretly trying to convert me into a sci-fi fan. He is still trying), a TV series which he loved & playstation games to play.
I never ended using half of what he had left me, because I became too busy with July school holiday life, but I was (and still am) touched by his thoughtfulness.
We got closer to the airport and my heart was sinking lower and lower. I never thought I would miss anyone so badly, and he hadn't even left yet!
We got out at Sydney airport and walked into the check-in terminal. While he and the others checked in, I took the opportunity of watching over his carry on bag and shoved my 16 letters in. He would get a lovely surprise when he got onto the plane.
After they had checked in we headed off towards the food court for lunch. We were scanned & x-rayed for deadly explosives and once we had passed the test, we headed into a busy court.
Although we weren't running late, we didn't exactly have a huge amount of time, so we quickly ordered the most familiar thing there: chicken nuggets from McDonalds.
Lachlan and I still talk about those nuggets. They were life-changing nuggets. They were hot, crispy and the chicken simply melted in our mouths. I have never tasted chicken nuggets that good since! It is very sad.
As I savoured those delicious nuggets, Lachlan reached for his carry-on luggage. I did not realise what he was doing, until he cried out in surprise at the 16 letters. I was not ready for his discovery and jumped so high I nearly spilled my coke all over myself.
As I pulled myself back together, my gaze caught his. He had the biggest smile on his face. I went so red that people giggled silently.
"Thank you so much!"
"That's OK...it's not much reall..."
"It's perfect"
Relief swept over me for a moment. It was gone in an instant.
"I am so giving you a hug for this later," he whispered.
My heart froze. I had freaked out when I had lightly brushed his hand at the movies! Now he wanted a real hug? I tried to hide my fear and nervousness. What if it wasn't the perfect hug? What if I hugged too tight? What if it didn't spark any magic? Could this be the defining hug for us?
I look back and feel foolish for my over-thinking, but at the time I was truly scared.
Finally it came time for them to head off to customs. Everyone said their goodbyes, and eventually it was only Lockie and I left.
The hug was perfect.
He turned and walked through the glass automatic doors into Customs. I turned around and headed back towards the carpark.
His yell caught me by surprise. I turned back and there he stood at the doors, waving madly. I laughed and waved back.
He went back inside. Before I had a chance to turn around again, he came back to wave some more.
This continued for some time.
Eventually, we were both forced to leave and go our separate ways. But we knew that the goodbye was worth all the stalling in the world.
And now we faced the next two weeks alone. The longest two weeks of our lives.
Kung Fu Panda
Lachlan was (thankfully) a child at heart. Certainly my kind of man.
He would play the games in kids church, volunteer to be coated in jelly, buy lego to add to his somewhat ridiculous collection AND he loved cartoon movies!
I was in love.
It had been 5 days since our carpark confession, and we were literally bubbling over with attraction, flirtation and extremely ridiculous and love-sick text messages. It was inevitable to happen, but he finally asked me out on a 'friend-date'. It could only be called as such because, well, we were only 'friends'.
My Mum & Dad knew that we liked each other by now, and unfortunately my hopes of being allowed to date the boy were denied until my graduation of High School. That wasn't for another 17 months!!
He rang one afternoon and asked if my sister and I would like to go and see "Kung Fu Panda", a popular new cartoon out at the cinemas. Although I extremely disliked the idea of my sister coming along, I had to face the facts. I was entering the world of third wheels, secret get-togethers and endless poem/love note writing for the next year and a half. So Emily came.
It was really fun! We ate our first "romantic" dinner together. McDonalds never failed on delivery of great tasting, extremely unhealthy food. We ate, laughed and enjoyed each other's company very much. Although Emily was not part of the flirting, she had a good time as well, because I was still including her- not using her.
The movie was very funny and enjoyable. The popcorn was hot and buttery. It was irresistable. But the moment I brushed past his hand, as we both reached for the same handful of popcorn in the dark, I retreated and ate no more. My heart pounded so hard inside my chest.
To him, I was embarrassed because I liked him.
In reality I was scared to touch. I had been touched once, and I found it hard to make contact with another guy and trust him. He didn't know my secret.
He wouldn't know for a while.
After the movie we headed home, grabbed some petrol and finally pulled up my driveway. There was a lot of cars all over the drive because my parents were having a weekly church meeting. We heard laughter and the sound of tea cups clinking and people enjoying their mint slice biscuits.
I opened up the door and let my sister and Lachlan walk past me. I stared after him and loved him with my complete self. But I remained frustrated at myself for my unnecessary retreat from him during our popcorn rendezvous. I wanted to let him in completely. But for now I would just make sure he would take care of me first.
Trust was going to be hardest challenge in the beginning days of our friendship/relationship.
But I wanted to trust him so much. And somehow I felt that it would be possible one day.
One day.
He would play the games in kids church, volunteer to be coated in jelly, buy lego to add to his somewhat ridiculous collection AND he loved cartoon movies!
I was in love.
It had been 5 days since our carpark confession, and we were literally bubbling over with attraction, flirtation and extremely ridiculous and love-sick text messages. It was inevitable to happen, but he finally asked me out on a 'friend-date'. It could only be called as such because, well, we were only 'friends'.
My Mum & Dad knew that we liked each other by now, and unfortunately my hopes of being allowed to date the boy were denied until my graduation of High School. That wasn't for another 17 months!!
He rang one afternoon and asked if my sister and I would like to go and see "Kung Fu Panda", a popular new cartoon out at the cinemas. Although I extremely disliked the idea of my sister coming along, I had to face the facts. I was entering the world of third wheels, secret get-togethers and endless poem/love note writing for the next year and a half. So Emily came.
It was really fun! We ate our first "romantic" dinner together. McDonalds never failed on delivery of great tasting, extremely unhealthy food. We ate, laughed and enjoyed each other's company very much. Although Emily was not part of the flirting, she had a good time as well, because I was still including her- not using her.
The movie was very funny and enjoyable. The popcorn was hot and buttery. It was irresistable. But the moment I brushed past his hand, as we both reached for the same handful of popcorn in the dark, I retreated and ate no more. My heart pounded so hard inside my chest.
To him, I was embarrassed because I liked him.
In reality I was scared to touch. I had been touched once, and I found it hard to make contact with another guy and trust him. He didn't know my secret.
He wouldn't know for a while.
After the movie we headed home, grabbed some petrol and finally pulled up my driveway. There was a lot of cars all over the drive because my parents were having a weekly church meeting. We heard laughter and the sound of tea cups clinking and people enjoying their mint slice biscuits.
I opened up the door and let my sister and Lachlan walk past me. I stared after him and loved him with my complete self. But I remained frustrated at myself for my unnecessary retreat from him during our popcorn rendezvous. I wanted to let him in completely. But for now I would just make sure he would take care of me first.
Trust was going to be hardest challenge in the beginning days of our friendship/relationship.
But I wanted to trust him so much. And somehow I felt that it would be possible one day.
One day.
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