The endless trip

I felt like bashing my head in.

I woke up in the morning staring straight up at the ceiling & I wished I could go back into the flawless reality, where only Lockie & I existed. I went to bed at night, and tried everything possible to try and knock myself out so that I could dream about him.

I was so annoyed at him! Why did he have to go during the school holidays? This was the only time I could properly hang out with him, and he wasn't there! I couldn't even complain and hang out with Joanne, because she was with him on the same trip!

The day he left, I wrote my first poem about him. It was pathetic and lame, and no one knew of its existence for a very long time. I have written many poems since then, and most of them are equally lame, but they help me go to a place where he is my perfect man, just as he was in the beginning.

We emailed nearly every day. He took longer to reply than I, because he was much busier than I. It frustrated me more than I could express. But since we were still in our 'early days' I didn't say anything. He had to picture me as a perfect, non-complaining girl for as long as humanly possible.

I still try and keep that image of myself in his head. Not sure how well I'm doing.

Plus I had to the best. He had had a girlfriend only 7 months earlier, and it had ended in shambles. Both parties were hurt and upset, and I had to prove that I could be better. Plus, she had tried coming back into his life only a few days before he left for Japan. I had all the relationship-world obstacles up against me!

I had another problem. My sisters were feeling very neglected. I had nothing to do the whole holidays, but I always managed to find an excuse not to hang out with them, simply because I was miserable.

They were resenting Lockie so much, and I was feeling defensive because they were against him. It ended in many screaming matches and tears. Definitely a learning curve for me, and how I treat others whilst juggling a relationship.

I'm still learning!

Finally Joanne came home. Lockie and another guy had stayed for an extra 5 days. It was good to have Jo home, because she could tell me heaps of stories about Japan aka Lockie. Plus, by that stage, I had started treating my sisters a little better. Calm was returning to the home and to my heart.

Jo was home.
My sisters didn't hate me as much.
And Lockie would be home in 5 days.

And then there was an earthquake.