Vulnerable

The trip was adventurous in so many ways. I eventually fell asleep on Lachlan's shoulder around lunchtime, which someone happily captured on their camera. We all had a great time, singing, laughing and enjoying the countryside as we drove along. It was somewhere in the middle of our trip that I felt my vulnerability escalate dramatically.

Lachlan slid his hand into mine.

My heart raced at a million miles an hour. My mind literally was blurry for a few moments, as I thought about what was happening. As you have probably guessed, if I freaked out brushing his hand in a bucket of popcorn, surely I was on the verge of a minature heart attack by now.

You are basically right.

I had two very serious options in those moments. Moments which would define the speed, length and strength of this relationship. If I pulled away, I would literally be pulling away. Or I could embrace it and let things flourish.

Luckily, against my natural reactions, I chose the latter option and stayed still. Probably too still. I think I almost went rigid as I tried desperately to act 'normal'. As if I had had plenty of boys hold my hand before. As if I wasn't afraid of hands.

Perhaps he sensed my timidness...I'm sure my slight shaking gave it away. He loosened his hold, and gently placed his hand on top of mine. I felt a wave of relief. He was so considerate and aware of how I felt. Gosh I loved him!

Despite feeling so scared and nervous, that moment was so precious to me. It was the most loving thing any boy had ever done. I was so overwhelmed that he liked me; me! A young 17 year old school girl, who had no clue about anything in the world except that one day she would save earth and get married and have lots of kids along the way.

I was a complete fool, and he found me interesting. He made me a better person; a stronger person; a more down-to-earth, realistic person. He just made me.

By the time we reached Melbourne, we were holding hands properly. Underneath my green scarf so my parents wouldn't see. But properly at least.

And I felt less vulnerable in a sense, and then again I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. But it was a good feeling, and I'm glad it happened. I'm glad it all happened.