Darwin

I love my church.

I've been going to ImagineNations Church in Penrith since I was 6 months old. The church is like my second family and I love them all dearly.

Our pastor is always putting others first and his dream is to go into all the world and tell people about God's love and show them His love. So at the beginning of 2008 he told us about his dream to plant 10 ImagineNations churches all over the world.

We plant hundreds of churches every year, but these 10 churches would be unique, because they would be run by people from our own church- not international pastors we've never met before.

We found out that the first church would be planted in Darwin and would be sending Troy and Nicole Davis to run the church. Ollie and Laura Mau would also be going for 12 months to help them start it up.

I am not a very "decisive" person. I change my mind about one simple thing at least a hundred times before I confirm my decision. Imagine what I'm going to be like when I have pick names for my children!

Some important decisions were coming up soon for me- would I go to university? Would I take a break? What courses would I pick for university? What did I want to do in life?

I was overwhelmed and completely confused. I hated all these questions- I wanted to escape somewhere quiet, away from exams, careers and life, and never come back. Sometimes I even wished I had lived 300 years earlier when girls had no choice in life and just got married, had babies and lived a simple life! That kind of lifestyle was EXTREMELY appealing at the time.

My mum and dad knew how these kinds of questions were getting to me. They, after all, had to put up with my mood swings and sullenness. So my mum suggested something completely out of the blue. Something I had never thought of before. Something which would change my life forever.

What if I went to Darwin for a year?

I was a mixture of emotions. I was happy, because it seemed like a perfect alternative to all my questions, and would give me an extra year to figure myself out. I was terrified of leaving everything and everyone I knew and moving to a hot, humid and remote place. I was scared because I would have to tell Lachlan.

What if he thought I was ungrateful? Cruel? Uncommitted? What if he saw no point in continuing our relationship? But in my mind I saw this as the perfect solution to my mental conundrum, and rejecting this idea would mean I would have to face those horrible questions all over again- and I didn't think I could handle them anymore.

So I told Lachlan. I told him my plans and waited, holding my breath and pinching the palms of my hands over and over- a habit I ALWAYS do when I'm nervous, or when I am confessing something I've done wrong.

He wasn't mad. He wasn't disappointed. He was sad. But he said he would support me if I truly thought this was the best decision.

My stomach sank so low. I think I would've preferred him angry! How could I be given such a perfect man?

291 days later, and he would still be the perfect man, saying goodbye to me as I went to board the plane...but it was going to be a bit of a bumpy, emtoional rollercoaster trip from now until then...

For now I would just cry and accept my decision. My life-changing decision.