Thanksgiving

The year was passing by quickly and slowly. In reality it had been quite a fast year, but in my mind I felt like time between Lachlan and I making things 'official' was crawling by at a snail's pace. However, November came and holidays for Christmas were soon looming.

At the end of October Lachlan had informed me that at the end of November his family was having Thanksgiving lunch with his dad's family and I was invited. I had also been invited out for his dad's 50th birthday with his mum's family the following week (which will be another post). I would be meeting his entire family in the space of 7 days.

Needless to say I was a little nervous.

To help me cope with these two seemingly HUGE events in my head, my darling friend Jo took me on a shopping date. I spent well over $200 on clothes and shoes and accessories to cater for the two dates. I had to look up-to-date and reasonably in tune with the latest fashion. If only I had the money to keep that up today...

I woke up so early the Sunday morning of Thanksgiving and had the longest shower of my life. Every hair on my head had to be indiviually washed and conditioned. I had to scrub enough to the point where I would be glowing.

My beautiful sister, Emily helped me out by drying and styling my hair nicely and then applying on a tonne of make-up. I felt like a celebrity, and loved how excited my family was for me. They were simply fluttering all over me. If they were so excited about me meeting his family, why wouldn't they let me go out with the boy?!

Never mind...

After spending a short time helping to set kids church up with my family, Lachlan arrived to pick me up. Nervously I left and hopped into his car. We arrived at his house and I got to meet his sister, her boyfriend and their cousins Ariel and Nick along with his Aunt Linda and her partner Mark. Although meeting all these people all at once slightly overwhelmed me, I had to stay cool. There was still more people to meet at his grandparent's home.

Plus, so far no one had been awfully mean to me. In fact, everyone were completely friendly! Eventually we were on our way to lunch, which I had actually physically prepared for. Growing up with a Hungarian background taught me very quickly that if there is any sort of lunch/dinner get-together that the stomach remains empty until that time.

We held hands as we walked up the drive to the entry of his grandparent's home. We were first greeted by his beautiful Nana. He introduced me as his girlfriend and I nearly fell over with joy. She kissed me hello and welcomed us in. Soon I was kissing every other relative in the house. His aunts, uncles, cousins and friends were everywhere!

Although I was obviously clinging closely to my man, I had to keep telling myself to be a little brave. I mentally promised myself a cherry ripe chocolate at the end if I did. So I tried my best to try and talk to people around me, especially Nana.

I think we got along really well, and soon I was eating, drinking and laughing as if I had known them all for years. The only embarrassing time I had at the lunch was when we first sat down at the table. I went to pick up my knife or move it or something (I can't actually remember) but the next thing I knew, it was clanging on the floor.

I felt so stupid.

Quietly Lachlan leaned over, smirking at my fumble and whispered, "Fallacy". I cracked up. Although fallacy was not the correct description of the incident, it sounded right, as if that was exactly what you were meant to say when someone drops a piece of cutlery on the ground.

We always use that word out of context now at the table whenever we eat. It has become our "oh dear, how embarrassing," term.

Lunch finished and I soon found myself being offered a slice of pumpkin pie. There were two problems...no three problems to this:

1) I was so full I doubted my ability to fit any more food into my stomach

2) I hated pumpkin as a general rule

3) I wanted to impress Lachlan and do everything right no matter the cost.

I accepted the generous offer and sat down. I picked off a bit, held my breath, opened my mouth and ate the dessert.

I literally opened my eyes in sheer delight. That experience- the flavours, texture, EVERYTHING- was amazing! I had never tasted anything like it before. I loved it! I now regretted being so full, because I would have gladly accepted a second slice. I now look forward to my once-a-year slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. It is the one thing I can always be assurred will be fantastic in my year.

The end of the afternoon came and the goodbyes followed. I had had the best time, and felt so grateful that meeting half his family had been so good. Afterwards, Lachlan told me that Nana had pulled him aside and asked if he thought I was going to stick around. He said he hoped so. She agreed and said she hoped I would be his last girlfriend.

I hoped so too.

Being Honest

It took me a good two and a half days to write the letter.

I don't remember how neat my writing was, but I do remember ensuring that I carefully planned each word which went down on to the paper. This was going to be an important letter, and I couldn't make any mistakes.

So I wrote it all down, as many details as I could remember. I believe there are more details I could have included, and many of them I can think of now. But I didn't include them because my mind had blocked them out. And it is only now, nearly seven years later, that my mind is healing enough for me to painfully remember, and slowly recover.

So I sealed the envelope.

I mailed it off.

He needed to know the hurt and baggage I was carrying. Because if I never told him, I would ruin the happiness we were enjoying.

Two days after I had posted the letter, he called me. He had just finished reading it.

He told me how sorry he was, and how much he wanted to show me that everything would be safe with him. I would never again be hurt that way again.

And I knew I could trust him, because he didn't reject me despite my past.

It was the biggest relief, and the happiest moment I had ever had. I could feel safe once more.

Late nights

September passed and we headed into October. The month of many, many late nights.

For once since our 'relationship' had begun, school had become useful and helpful. As I had started my HSC curriculum at school I found myself swamped with homework, assignments and random essays constantly. For the majority of most nights I was cooped up in my bedroom trying to stay on top of it all.

By the time I had finished my family had usually gone to bed (of course, 9:30pm was a late night for them, so it wasn't hard to work through their goodnights). I soon found this to my own advantage, because I could shut my door and have all the privacy in the world. Private phone calls soon began.

For the first couple of nights we didn't talk for long, because we were still wary of my parents waking up and finding out I was using up my credit quicker than the Sun dries water. However, as time passed I mastered the art of sneaking through the house, stealing the house phone and calling Lachlan for free.

I thought I was pure genius.

Since I had given us more free time to talk we had to figure out ways in which we could fill up time effectively.

The real genius, that being Lachlan, stepped up to the plate and invented our 'game'. We still play this game, and I often cheat. I can't help it; he taught me all the bad habits I know.
I am certain that other people play the same game as we do, but we love it and always manage to make it special.

The 'game' was a question game, where we would take turns asking the other person a question. Our questions certainly started out very simple and easy, but as we grew to know each other more, the questions became more complicated. And soon we became so comfortable around each other that we both said things which embarrassed us greatly.

The first embarrassment was to be experienced for yours truly.

I had just gotten off the phone after a lengthy, wondersul 2-hour conversation into the early hours of the morning. I reached for my mobile phone, and with great excitement sent a text message to my sister sleeping down the hallway. The text message said:

"Oh my goodness! I just spent the last 2 hours talking to my future husband!"

Emily never replied, and I wasn't surprised. 1am messags are often hard to reply to. However, she did not forget the text message at all. That week I came to youth on the Friday night and found Emily talking to Lachlan. Walking up to them I asked what was going on.

Emily then proceeded to tell me that she had shown him my text message. I remember that moment so clearly in my mind. I felt sick; so sick I nearly ran to the bathroom out of extreme humiliation. I was so angry and upset! That message was never EVER meant to be seen by his eyes!

The rest of the night I was so moody, upset and awful to be around. I thought that this would probably mean the end of things. He wouldn't want to be around a crazy girl who came across as if she was already planning their wedding.

However, the tables soon turned (thankfully!).

The following week, as we chatted quietly on the phone, we got on to the subject of Maths and English.

My darling Lachlan, the poor delusional man, was a fan, enthuisast and lover of all things mathematical. He certainly needed much love and prayer in my books. I am the English girl. I love reading, writing and creativity.

Anyway, I was explaining to Lachlan (well, actually it was more like lamenting) how today's children are losing the art of English and speaking, reading or writing properly because of technology. If you have ever spent any short amount of time with Lachlan, you would know that he is a computer nerd. And I was attacking his beloved technology. He took up arms.

As we debated the subject, he stumbled and brought us to a one-all draw in the embarrassed books.

Exhasperated he said, "Well at least we know that our children will have..."

I stopped mid-sentence and listened to the silence on his end of the phone. Then I began to laugh hysterically at his innocent blunder in referencing to our future 'children'. He was so embarrassed! And I do believe he grew quite tired of my constant laughing and told me to stop. It was not funny!

Finally we both agreed that the draw had come and we moved on from the two incidents as if they had never happened. But I'll always remember our blunders. Our blunders made us more real and open with each other.

And it was time I was more open with him than I had ever been before.

Exo Day

I am no fan of crowds. In fact I would rather eat a bowl of disgusting, evil Weet-bix than get caught (and most likely drown) in a sea of people.

So, although Exo Day is a fun day to hang out with friends from church, it is one event that I don't always find enjoyable, simply because thousands of people attend. However, as I was a youth leader I needed to go to watch out for some young girls I was in charge of. Plus he was going. Always the bonus.

It was the most miserable weather! Rain bucketing down, and literally 3 spaces for shelter. After trying to 'enjoy' the shower by exploring the rides, music and food stalls, we all chickened out and headed to an empty shed where rappers and BMX bikers were singing/riding to their heart's content.

Although neither rap music, nor fancy tricks on BMX bikes interested me, I was just glad to be dry-ish...well at least no wetter than before. But it was still chilly from winter and my jacket was no longer providing me with sufficient warmth.

Our group, which consisted of about 8 people including Lachlan, Joanne and some other friends from school, the girls I was watching and myself, soon found our 'spot', claimed it and sat down. We had no intention of moving at all until the night was over, which wouldn't happen for another 3-4hours. I was OK with that, because I am lazy and can just sit in one spot for ages and do absolutely nothing. I don't know how the others felt about it, but I didn't really care.

I was staying put.

Not long after we had settled, Lachlan and Joanne were hankering for some ice-cream. I thought they were insane because it was so cold, however off they went to get their creamy delight.

When they came back I was given the most thoughtful surprise! Lachlan had searched far and wide until he returned with a towel. Wrapping myself in it I was drying off and warming up quickly. It was the sweetest gift he had given me!

Of course toward the end of the night he and some of the other guys had gotten into this weird mood and were going slightly insane, but overall it was a great night.

That towel is my favourite of all towels I've ever owned.

Leaning in

My favourite activity when it comes to birthdays is to organise surprises. My mother was turning the ancient age of 40, and thus a perfect opportunity had come for a massive surprise birthday party.

And believe me, this party was huge. We had over 100 people hide out at a friend's place in Orchard Hills (they conveniently had a huge house/backyard)with enough food to feed a small country, a bush band with large tent for bush dancing, several fires burning and plenty of balloons.

The surprise was a huge success; my mother was so not prepared for 100 people to come charging out at her, yelling "SURPRISE!" Then again, who ever is? It was the best!!

My dad's parents came to the party, along with my great-grandmother. It was the first time Lachlan would meet them and he soon got roped into talking to my grandfather about fixing cars, or something boy-ish like that. I felt sorry for him in a way. I also found it a little amusing.

As the night progressed and our stomachs filled, we all found ourselves eager to do some dancing. As dorky as I think bush-dancing is, it was so much fun! Everyone was laughing, singing and being uncoordinated all at once!

I was extremely happy, because now I had an excuse to publically hold Lachlan's hands as we swung around doing the dosey doe, or heel & toe. And it was during this wonderful dancing that I received a spectacular bruise.

Dear, dear Lachlan still apologises today. I often bring it up whenever I am feeling hard-done-by (in the sense of the word). For example, if he won't reveal his secret plans to me, or he won't listen to my ridiculous rants about grammar or he won't give me exactly what I want when I want it.

I am yet to use the event against him in a serious manner.

So there we were, dancing around, when suddenly his foot, which was supposed to go one direction, went the wrong direction and eventually found itself planted on top of my foot. The pain, needless to say after one has had a grown man's foot stomp on top of their foot, was rather substantial.

The look on his face when he realised he had hurt me - absolutely priceless!

He was so upset that he had injured me. I laughed it off and told him it was totally fine, which it was. I felt very special to have his foot imprint on mine. The bruise was beautiful; big, purple and swollen. I couldn't really dance for the remainder of the evening, but I could sit down with him for a few hours and just hang out. In the end I believe I won no matter what happened.

As we sat there on the hay bale, with the fire burning in front of us we were soon ambushed by the lady who had given up her property for the party. And she stood there with a camera, demanding to take a picture of us together.

So we sat there and waited, smiling. She rolled her eyes, and couldn't do it.

"For goodness sake you two, we know all about you! Lean in!"

Blushing, I looked at Lachlan, and bent my head awkwardly and remained pretty much unchanged.

"Lean in, I said!"

"I am!" I shouted back.

"Whatever, sit still and smile, you fools."

And she took the picture, laughing at our embarrassed and timid smiles. I felt like I had 'leaned in' heaps for that photo. I look at it now and shake my head. I was so foolish sometimes.

But despite this, I felt like we were 'leaning in' heaps. We were getting closer and closer, and I was loving the overwhelming feeling of being in love. It was so brand new and fresh. It was special and untainted. It was perfect.

Birches, Mary and False Prayers

Late Wednesday afternoon we reached our destination. We were staying at the Birches Motel, about a 15 minute walk from our venue for the conference. We were so exhausted, but had to keep going as the first night session would be starting soon. Forcing the energy and enthusiasm took a lot out of us, but we were all very glad to be there. It was a fabulous conference.

There was one girl who was staying with us who was rather synical of Lachlan and I. She somehow had watched us like a hawk the whole trip down and probably saw us holding hands. So off she went to tattle to my mother. I was so annoyed.

Mum gently pulled me aside and questioned me about my 'public displays of affection' with Lachlan, and I told her mostly everything. Of course I felt extremely guilty for lying to my mother, but I was nervous. Plus half the stuff the girl had told my mum wasn't true, so I knew I was telling the truth for 80% of everything. I just happened to leave out the holding hands part...

The girl even went up to my sister and said that if Lachlan and I weren't going out then she was the Virgin Mary. Ah Mary...the name remains for her today.

In fact her new nickname stuck almost instantly. Lachlan, Emily, Justin and myself all began calling her that, and then we were discovered. My dad, who is not a subtle person, and who certainly takes some time in understanding when things are meant to be 'inside' stuff, pretty much gave us away.

We were all sitting in a resturant after our morning session at the conference for lunch. Emily and I noticed on the menu that they were serving Bloody Marys, and being close sisters who don't usually require too much explaination between each other, we both started cracking up. It was definitely an inside joke, because we just found it hilarious. Any reference to any Mary was now a joke for us.

Soon Lachlan and Justin were well aware of why we were laughing, and soon joined us. Then my dad wanted to add his laughter. So he asked us what was wrong. I'm almost 100% sure that he didn't know about the 'Virgin Mary' sitting next to him, so when we pointed to the drink, he said "I don't understand, what is so funny about Bloody Marys?"

An awkward silence fell over his particular table, as "Mary" grew bright red and uncomfortable. She knew we were laughing at her, and as we tried despereately to suppress our giggles (unsuccessfully), she grew more and more angry. Oh the glares!! They were certainly priceless.

Apart from our Biblical character issues, we also had to deal with our own 'spiritual' falseness. It was during this conference that everyone discovered the terrible truth about Michael Gugglielmucci, and a sombre atmosphere had fallen over the conference.

Although we were devastated by the news, we didn't let it affect us too much. I know that if I had thought about it too much, I would've become a very angry and bitter person.

I believe that it was on the afternoon of the awful announcement when Lachlan, Emily and I found ourselves sitting and waiting in the conference lobby all alone because we had missed getting into one the electives. Walking too slowly never pays off.

While we sat there and waited, we saw the co-ordinator of the whole conference coming towards us. He was our Christian celebrity at the time. Both Emily & Lachlan felt extremely excited by the fact that he could be walking past us, but then they began to freak out, in case he asked us why we weren't in an elective.

It was then Emily said the quote of the trip for us all.

"Quick pretend to be spiritual and pray!"

I laughed, but to my amazement looked and saw both of them heads bent, eyes closed. They were pathetic. Feeling confident that they had managed to fool the co-ordinator once he had headed out of the lobby onto the busy Melbourne street, they looked back up and we continued to wait for everyone to come out of their electives. There were many moments like those ones, where we all ended up in hysterics. It was truly one of my favourite memeories.

Finally came Saturday morning-early again-and we began our trip home. Lachlan and I were sitting next to each other in the middle of the bus this time. I was feeling more confident around him, and easily rested my head upon his shoulder once more.

When we woke up however, we were both extremely embarrassed. Our window had completely fogged up. It was the only window on the whole bus that had fogged up. Everyone made a big deal about it, asking us what we had been doing which could have caused the window to fog. Even my dad light-heartedly joked about us!

The moments of embarrassment were now going to be part of the norm for us. I would have to get used to it. But even those moments with him I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Vulnerable

The trip was adventurous in so many ways. I eventually fell asleep on Lachlan's shoulder around lunchtime, which someone happily captured on their camera. We all had a great time, singing, laughing and enjoying the countryside as we drove along. It was somewhere in the middle of our trip that I felt my vulnerability escalate dramatically.

Lachlan slid his hand into mine.

My heart raced at a million miles an hour. My mind literally was blurry for a few moments, as I thought about what was happening. As you have probably guessed, if I freaked out brushing his hand in a bucket of popcorn, surely I was on the verge of a minature heart attack by now.

You are basically right.

I had two very serious options in those moments. Moments which would define the speed, length and strength of this relationship. If I pulled away, I would literally be pulling away. Or I could embrace it and let things flourish.

Luckily, against my natural reactions, I chose the latter option and stayed still. Probably too still. I think I almost went rigid as I tried desperately to act 'normal'. As if I had had plenty of boys hold my hand before. As if I wasn't afraid of hands.

Perhaps he sensed my timidness...I'm sure my slight shaking gave it away. He loosened his hold, and gently placed his hand on top of mine. I felt a wave of relief. He was so considerate and aware of how I felt. Gosh I loved him!

Despite feeling so scared and nervous, that moment was so precious to me. It was the most loving thing any boy had ever done. I was so overwhelmed that he liked me; me! A young 17 year old school girl, who had no clue about anything in the world except that one day she would save earth and get married and have lots of kids along the way.

I was a complete fool, and he found me interesting. He made me a better person; a stronger person; a more down-to-earth, realistic person. He just made me.

By the time we reached Melbourne, we were holding hands properly. Underneath my green scarf so my parents wouldn't see. But properly at least.

And I felt less vulnerable in a sense, and then again I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. But it was a good feeling, and I'm glad it happened. I'm glad it all happened.