Kidshaper

This would have to be my first favourite memory of our adventures together.
Every year, Kidshaper conference is held in Melbourne, Victoria. It's a conference specifically for kids leaders and those involved in children's ministry. As you can imagine, a conference full of hyper-active kids pastors, leaders and workers simply makes for one crazy, fun getaway.

About 10-12 of us from church were given the opportunity to go this conference that year, including Lachlan and myself. I was so over-excited! 12 hours 'stuck' sitting next to him on a mini bus all the way down the Hume Highway.

What could possibly be better than that?

I don't think many people understand my way of thinking sometimes. I am pretty sure only Lachlan, and maybe my mother knows how my mind can work. And even then, I'm pretty sure they haven't really experienced my logic in all its severity.

So, there I was sitting at school, gloating to all my friends that I only had a two-day week and that I would be gone from Wednesday for the conference, when suddenly my mind started ticking.

>I began to think about how I would need to get up at about 4am on Wednesday morning, so that I had ample time to wash my hair, get dressed and perhaps rub on some make-up before my parents whisked us out of the house to go to the church and begin our journey.

>Then I thought about how ill I usually feel whenever I wake up earlier than 6am and was beginning to come up with methods in which I could counteract the queasy feelings.

>As I thought about this I thought about how I didn't want Lachlan to realise my weakness for early mornings, and I certainly was NOT going to be throwing up during the trip. So I decided that I would stick to just sleeping for the first couple of hours of the trip in order that I would avoid feeling ill.

>And then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I needed to be comfortable when I slept, and usually the window was not always a great pillow. I then thought about the possibility of sleeping on someone's shoulder...on his shoulder.

The idea excited me. It would be the first real 'romantic' gesture between us. I had to make sure it happened, and that it happened perfectly. And so my crazy, over-thinking brain spent the remainder of the afternoon thinking up ways in which I could make this work out.

By the time Wednesday had come, my plan was all figured out on how to get Lachlan to give up his shoulder for me. We got to the church at 4:30am and found Lachlan and his friend Justin WIDE awake in the carpark.

Weird boys who have no regard for the precious-ness of sleep.

As we began packing the bus, Lachlan and I somehow during our early morning conversation, ended up on the field next to the carpark. I then watched as Lachlan proceeded to chase a rabbit in the dark.

Don't ask me how we got to this point. It was too early in the morning for me to remember. I do remember laughing a lot..and being a little disturbed along the way.

Finally we got on the bus for our long trip down south. I headed to the back of the bus and sat next to the window. Lachlan hopped on and subtly slid down next to me. Everyone else on the bus rolled their eyes, smiling at our attempts to keep things just as 'friends'.

We were hopeless fools.

The trip began and I made myself comfortable against the window. My plan was to make Lachlan do all the work instead of me. And sure enough, I had charmed the boy so well that he took the bait.

Tapping me on the shoulder, he said "Christina, are you awake?"

"Slightly. The window is cold." I laughed quietly.

"Yea I bet. Do you...you wanna lie on my shoulder for a while. Only if you need sleep."

"I'd love to." I smiled as I leaned over.

I was so happy, I couldn't sleep in the end. But I lay there anyway, enjoying his strong, warm shoulder on that cold, dark August morning, as we headed to our Melbourne destination.

Again, he had become my perfect man.

Tea Party

Term 3 began and I had found a new friendship in a lovely young girl who was going through the same emotional rollercoaster as I. She was waiting for a man 4years older than her, and she had to wait until she was 18...a whole 6months or so after she graduated from High School!!

Needless to say I was loving my parents greatly by this stage.

I remember one recess in the beginning of August, sitting on the concrete in the school yard with her discussing our dilemmas.

It was cold, but the sun was brighter than normal and kept us fairly 'warm' in the sense of the word. Somehow, during this quiet, sunny day we ended up chatting about the subject of tea parties.

We both decided that they were lots of fun; cucumber sandwiches, delicate china with hot tea and jellies, biscuits and cake. So, our loving and sharing nature soon kicked into gear, and we found ourselves planning a tea party which would be held at Lockie's place.

I knew Lockie would be thrilled with the idea.

For some reason (perhaps the desire to prove that he was indeed perfect, and did want to pretend he enjoyed tea parties) Lockie agreed to the double date at his place and a Sunday afternoon was chosen.

Sunday 10th August 2008 came. After church had finished I went looking for Lachlan to head off to his place for the party. As I looked I received a devastating text.

My friend and her man couldn't make it as they were both sick! I began to do what I did best whenever faced with dealing with alone time in this new relationship, and felt panic set in.

Luckily as my frantic, panicked gaze scoured the crowd looking for Lockie, I found myself facing Karen. Maybe, my fears weren't necessary quite yet.

"Karen, would you and Matt like to come out to lunch with Lachlan and I now?"

"Sure. I don't see why not. I'll go get Matt."

Saved by the insane, panic gaze.

I sat alone in his car on the way there and for the most part, I stared out the passenger window, trying to stay 'cool'. I tried to maintain perfection in everything; the way I folded my legs, the way I smiled, the way I strained to silence an annoying cough without him noticing, the way I subtly wiped away the tears in my eyes from supressing the cough, the way I barely breathed lest it be too heavy for his precious ears to handle etc etc.

Plus, I had one more fear to face; his parents.

I knew they would be lovely people, for how could such a lovely man such as Lachlan come from parents who were nasty? However, although this logic was flawless, it still did not help calm my fears.

We drove for what seemed like eternity, and finally made it to his driveway. I was totally taken aback, for his house was not what I had expected. His driveway alone was endless, giving me the sense that this boy had a spectacular home at the end to show.

As we approached the house, I am sure my mouth was gaping wide open. His home and land was huge! I just remembered thinking about how pretty his home was. The space, the simple design, the serenity which would come from living in this place; it simply made my heart feel completely envious.

Once I finally closed my unattractive gob, we got out of the car. As soon as we got out, we were greeted in the most jovial manner by his two dogs at the time, Roofus and Nelson. Gosh they were beautiful dogs! Although Roofus kind of intimidated me a little; you'd be scared too if you faced a dog that size! He was like a miniture horse!!

I immediately loved his dad. He was so friendly! It calmed my nerves down so much. His mum wasn't home at the time, so we all headed inside and started getting lunch ready.

When I went into their kitchen, I knew exactly what a blessing a big kitchen was. Their kitchen was wonderful! Perhaps it's only a girl obsession, but seriously this kitchen was huge, spacious and pretty much perfect in my books. My kitchen will be just like that one!

Lachlan started preparing the steaks for lunch. I think back to that day, and the way he was trying too hard to impress me with his kitchen skills. It was the most delightful thing I've ever watched. Nevertheless, his cooking was rather brilliant, so perhaps the showing off worked.

By the time the steaks were prepared, his mum arrived home. Again, she was so friendly, and I felt rather foolish for feeling so nervous. We cooked and ate our steaks, and then settled down for a movie.

Then the unexpected happened.

Karen and Matt had to leave, because Matt had to get to work, and he was Karen's transport home! I would have to hang out with Lachlan all alone in the end anyway! Maybe God was trying to send a subtle message and tell me to get over my fear, grow some confidence and be normal!

So I took a deep breath and slowly,carefully sat down next to him. So far, so good. I hadn't done anything stupid...yet.

Halfway through the movie, he paused it and asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. In those few moments I had a couple of choices; say no, and pretend I cared about my appearance, weight and appetite OR say yes and eat something delicious.

In reality I was craving chocolate, so I thought I would ask what he wanted to eat first before I gave my final answer.

He wanted double coated chocolate TimTams.

The perfect man was improving by the second! We ran upstairs, grabbed the packet of chocolate goodness, and headed back down to our film. We also grabbed a slice of cake each, because let's face it; it was a day for all things indulgent.

As I sat there watching, I sensed Lachlan was not really watching the movie, but me.
Glancing over, I smiled.

"Everything OK?"

"Oh yea, sure." he said grabbing his third TimTam.
"I'm just trying to distract myself with these biscuits."

"Ah, ok?" I said slightly confused.

"If I occupy my hands with these biscuits then I won't be tempted to hold your beautiful hand."

Well, wasn't that completely unexpected?

I blushed and looked at the 'beautiful' hand, and realised that I should probably do the same thing to avoid trying to hold his hand.

Being 'just friends' was going to be harder than we both realised. I think I resented school from that moment on. So there we sat for the rest of the movie, not saying anything at all, and eating as many TimTams as we could.

Quakes and Burns

It was around 12:30am, and I was sound asleep.

However, I wasn't so asleep that I missed hearing my phone go off. I blinked several times, yawned, stretched and fumbled around in the dark until I found the phone.

The light from the text message was so bright, that I couldn't read it at first. However, once I recovered from the blinding light, I read the early morning message from Lockie.

"Just experienced my first earthquake in Tokyo! It was so sudden & scary! I think there might be aftershocks."

...

I bolted up from my bed and began to panic! My boy was in danger of dying in an earthquake! I couldn't do anything! I felt so helpless.

I sent him a text back asking if he was OK and if he could go somewhere safe. Eventually after many reassurances from his end that he was OK and that the danger had passed, I reluctantly lay back down.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of that night.

It wasn't until I heard from him in Malaysia that I felt better. He was finally out of that shaking country! Of course I was not particularly impressed by his reaction to the whole event.

"heya,
im in malasia atm, the earth quake was big but not dangerous, i loved every second of it!!"

...

Boys. Stupid stupid boys. They give you heart attacks and think nothing more of the situation than just an "awesome" experience.

Although I thought he was insane and completely delirious, I was glad he was safe. And I was also excited. He was finally in Malaysia, which meant he would home in less than 24hours!

The night he was landing was a very sleepless night for me. I couldn't wait to see him so much!

The next day we organised for a lunch date with his friend and his girlfriend Karen. Karen and I were super excited! We sat waiting and waiting and finally we saw the two boys. We ran so fast towards them and I'm sure we look completely ridiculous.

However before I could give Lockie the biggest hug, I was stopped.

He had the worst sunburn all over his back and neck! He didn't want me to hurt him, so I was foreced to gentle pat him hello.

Completely pathetic.

Stupid boy, who thinks earthquakes are fun and who gets badly sunburnt so I can't hug him properly.

Never mind I guess. He was home.

The endless trip

I felt like bashing my head in.

I woke up in the morning staring straight up at the ceiling & I wished I could go back into the flawless reality, where only Lockie & I existed. I went to bed at night, and tried everything possible to try and knock myself out so that I could dream about him.

I was so annoyed at him! Why did he have to go during the school holidays? This was the only time I could properly hang out with him, and he wasn't there! I couldn't even complain and hang out with Joanne, because she was with him on the same trip!

The day he left, I wrote my first poem about him. It was pathetic and lame, and no one knew of its existence for a very long time. I have written many poems since then, and most of them are equally lame, but they help me go to a place where he is my perfect man, just as he was in the beginning.

We emailed nearly every day. He took longer to reply than I, because he was much busier than I. It frustrated me more than I could express. But since we were still in our 'early days' I didn't say anything. He had to picture me as a perfect, non-complaining girl for as long as humanly possible.

I still try and keep that image of myself in his head. Not sure how well I'm doing.

Plus I had to the best. He had had a girlfriend only 7 months earlier, and it had ended in shambles. Both parties were hurt and upset, and I had to prove that I could be better. Plus, she had tried coming back into his life only a few days before he left for Japan. I had all the relationship-world obstacles up against me!

I had another problem. My sisters were feeling very neglected. I had nothing to do the whole holidays, but I always managed to find an excuse not to hang out with them, simply because I was miserable.

They were resenting Lockie so much, and I was feeling defensive because they were against him. It ended in many screaming matches and tears. Definitely a learning curve for me, and how I treat others whilst juggling a relationship.

I'm still learning!

Finally Joanne came home. Lockie and another guy had stayed for an extra 5 days. It was good to have Jo home, because she could tell me heaps of stories about Japan aka Lockie. Plus, by that stage, I had started treating my sisters a little better. Calm was returning to the home and to my heart.

Jo was home.
My sisters didn't hate me as much.
And Lockie would be home in 5 days.

And then there was an earthquake.

Planes & chicken nuggets

My new semi-relationship was about to experience its first seperation.

On the 10th of July, Lachlan and a whole team from youth, including my best friend Joanne, were heading off on a missions trip to Japan. Lockie told me that if we had gotten together earlier, he would have considered pulling out of the trip.

His affection made my heart melt.

I know now that this 2-week seperation was preparation for something much bigger which would impact us in the future. But until I realised this, I was stuck being devastated by the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him for 14 days! It was tearing me to shreds!

So I decided to follow tradition, and (hopefully) make him love me forever, and never look back. I wrote him letters.

I wrote 16 letters: one for every day he was gone, including his plane trip home. I didn't know what to write for most of them, especially for the days right in the middle of his trip, because I had run out of topics to really talk about. But eventually I came up with enough waffle to cover 16 letters. I printed them out (in secret of course, so that my mother and father wouldn't realise I was writing endless love letters to him) and folded them neatly and put them in my handbag.

A few days before he left I passed my driving test & got my license. I was stoked, but he was even more stoked!! He was so proud of me. It was the best feeling in the world.

I could now drive myself to catch the bus and go to te airport with him. Gathering up my 16 letters, all neatly folded into envelopes (which I had stolen from my mum's stash- she couldn't find this out either, because there was now only 3 envelopes left, and she would make me buy a new pack of envelopes), I jumped into my little blue car and drove to church where the mini bus was waiting.

I hurried down to the bus and watched as he helped everyone load their luggage and find their seats. He made sure that everyone had a place to sit first before he jumped on next to me. I loved him all over again.

As we drove along he handed me a package- my first Lachlan package. These packages were things to be coverted. They contained everything you could possibly want or need and they were thoughtful and loving gifts. I have received several of these packages, and all have been unique and beautiful.

In this package was a letter-something I still have. There were also movies of his, which he wanted me to watch. (little did I know he was secretly trying to convert me into a sci-fi fan. He is still trying), a TV series which he loved & playstation games to play.

I never ended using half of what he had left me, because I became too busy with July school holiday life, but I was (and still am) touched by his thoughtfulness.

We got closer to the airport and my heart was sinking lower and lower. I never thought I would miss anyone so badly, and he hadn't even left yet!
We got out at Sydney airport and walked into the check-in terminal. While he and the others checked in, I took the opportunity of watching over his carry on bag and shoved my 16 letters in. He would get a lovely surprise when he got onto the plane.

After they had checked in we headed off towards the food court for lunch. We were scanned & x-rayed for deadly explosives and once we had passed the test, we headed into a busy court.

Although we weren't running late, we didn't exactly have a huge amount of time, so we quickly ordered the most familiar thing there: chicken nuggets from McDonalds.

Lachlan and I still talk about those nuggets. They were life-changing nuggets. They were hot, crispy and the chicken simply melted in our mouths. I have never tasted chicken nuggets that good since! It is very sad.

As I savoured those delicious nuggets, Lachlan reached for his carry-on luggage. I did not realise what he was doing, until he cried out in surprise at the 16 letters. I was not ready for his discovery and jumped so high I nearly spilled my coke all over myself.

As I pulled myself back together, my gaze caught his. He had the biggest smile on his face. I went so red that people giggled silently.

"Thank you so much!"

"That's OK...it's not much reall..."

"It's perfect"

Relief swept over me for a moment. It was gone in an instant.

"I am so giving you a hug for this later," he whispered.

My heart froze. I had freaked out when I had lightly brushed his hand at the movies! Now he wanted a real hug? I tried to hide my fear and nervousness. What if it wasn't the perfect hug? What if I hugged too tight? What if it didn't spark any magic? Could this be the defining hug for us?

I look back and feel foolish for my over-thinking, but at the time I was truly scared.

Finally it came time for them to head off to customs. Everyone said their goodbyes, and eventually it was only Lockie and I left.

The hug was perfect.

He turned and walked through the glass automatic doors into Customs. I turned around and headed back towards the carpark.

His yell caught me by surprise. I turned back and there he stood at the doors, waving madly. I laughed and waved back.

He went back inside. Before I had a chance to turn around again, he came back to wave some more.

This continued for some time.

Eventually, we were both forced to leave and go our separate ways. But we knew that the goodbye was worth all the stalling in the world.

And now we faced the next two weeks alone. The longest two weeks of our lives.

Kung Fu Panda

Lachlan was (thankfully) a child at heart. Certainly my kind of man.
He would play the games in kids church, volunteer to be coated in jelly, buy lego to add to his somewhat ridiculous collection AND he loved cartoon movies!

I was in love.

It had been 5 days since our carpark confession, and we were literally bubbling over with attraction, flirtation and extremely ridiculous and love-sick text messages. It was inevitable to happen, but he finally asked me out on a 'friend-date'. It could only be called as such because, well, we were only 'friends'.

My Mum & Dad knew that we liked each other by now, and unfortunately my hopes of being allowed to date the boy were denied until my graduation of High School. That wasn't for another 17 months!!

He rang one afternoon and asked if my sister and I would like to go and see "Kung Fu Panda", a popular new cartoon out at the cinemas. Although I extremely disliked the idea of my sister coming along, I had to face the facts. I was entering the world of third wheels, secret get-togethers and endless poem/love note writing for the next year and a half. So Emily came.

It was really fun! We ate our first "romantic" dinner together. McDonalds never failed on delivery of great tasting, extremely unhealthy food. We ate, laughed and enjoyed each other's company very much. Although Emily was not part of the flirting, she had a good time as well, because I was still including her- not using her.

The movie was very funny and enjoyable. The popcorn was hot and buttery. It was irresistable. But the moment I brushed past his hand, as we both reached for the same handful of popcorn in the dark, I retreated and ate no more. My heart pounded so hard inside my chest.

To him, I was embarrassed because I liked him.

In reality I was scared to touch. I had been touched once, and I found it hard to make contact with another guy and trust him. He didn't know my secret.

He wouldn't know for a while.

After the movie we headed home, grabbed some petrol and finally pulled up my driveway. There was a lot of cars all over the drive because my parents were having a weekly church meeting. We heard laughter and the sound of tea cups clinking and people enjoying their mint slice biscuits.

I opened up the door and let my sister and Lachlan walk past me. I stared after him and loved him with my complete self. But I remained frustrated at myself for my unnecessary retreat from him during our popcorn rendezvous. I wanted to let him in completely. But for now I would just make sure he would take care of me first.

Trust was going to be hardest challenge in the beginning days of our friendship/relationship.

But I wanted to trust him so much. And somehow I felt that it would be possible one day.

One day.

17 months to go

That night, after Lockie had told me that he liked me, I was in the best mood! I couldn't contain my happiness! When Dad came to pick my sister and I up from youth I was secretly texting all my friends. I remember as we were driving out, Dad asking me what was up.

"Nothing" was my reply. I was too nervous to tell my Dad that a boy had stolen my heart that night.

I lay in bed that night and I realised that it would be a long wait until I could call him my boyfriend.

But even as I was saddened by this fact, I fell asleep so happy.

I had myself a best friend and lover all in one.